It was early in the morning, quite so early say 1.35am. He couldn't sleep, he was so antsy...
Took a walk to the other room, it didn't help relieve the anxiety or troubling sensation he felt all over. He couldn't reach out to anyone for he just got this apartment with the little money he saved up from the menial job he did some months back.
Nothing seems to work anymore. He sat still, but that didn't help either... He could hear it louder now and wouldn't acknowledge it still. "If only I can at least, get another menial job", he thought to himself. That doesn't seem to satisfy. He's a graduate for crying out loud. He doesn't deserve menial jobs. Though he can work on any just to get on and make ends meet.
"Why are they not forthcoming, why does it look like nothing at all is working?" He's asked this questions repeatedly. None could profer the answer to him. He's going through a phase in depression, but he won't acknowledge that too. He's gotta do something, anything, real fast! He thought to himself. The voice came again, louder still.
"Nooooooo!!! I can't do it, I can't end my life just like that!" He wept bitterly. He needs help. Who would help him? "No one will help you right now, but you can help yourself right now, Just do it," the voice snarled. "But I can do anything, I can still work, I still got my senses," he answered back.
"Remember no one is interested in you anymore, your landlord is on your neck, you can't find love, she won't even look at you, you are not healthy, no one will hire you, you are so penniless, your senses can't carry you, you're ashamed of yourself sometimes and that means others are ashamed of you, you keep toiling going out every day and don't achieve anything, you are broke, go and stay under the bridge if that makes you better, but killing yourself saves you all this streSS!!!"
He pondered on this once more, he has thought about this before, how he would make it painless, he feels so hungry right now but got nothing to eat.
He saw a rope the other day laying around, he picked it and has kept it. This will be the third month since he's been tormented with this voice but he's been fighting and trying hard to make it work again. He got a cheap rat poison the other day, not quite long, and has been weighing both options since then. "This rat poison is so cheap, what if it doesn't work? The rope is still strong and method is painful," he thought.
"Just do the rope already, that's better, " the voice urged. He thought about all he won't miss or lose, he thought about all the pains and agony he's been through, all the embarrassment s, all the hate towards him, how his once handsome self now looked so pale an skinny, the landlord will be here this morning and embarass and throw him out today, under the bridge is not going to be favourable at all, he doesn't have a lady who loves him, the last one left him months ago, it's either run far away to heaven knows where or die... He brought the stool, carried the rope, climbed the table and tied it to the curved iron rod in the ceiling.
The ceiling fan might give way and not complete the task, he thought. He came down and stared at his handwork. That was when a thought came to him to pray before he dies. "Pray? Why? But God doesn't even love me anymore," he queried this voice. The voice became stronger than the other. "Get down on your knees and pray, you haven't done that in ages," he heard the strong but sweet voice.
He fell on his face, he wept bitterly, it was 3.45am. He couldn't utter a word of prayer but cried his eyes out. He could only say "Lord have mercy on me"...That was how he slept off and woke at the sound of a knock at the door.
It was 6.55am. He looked at himself on the floor, looked at the door. It was so bright already as against the darkness earlier. He thought it might be the landlord or the other man he's promised to pay. He looked up to check on his handwork few hours ago and found the ropes on the ground. He was almost angry, he felt he wasn't even strong enough to do a proper knoting of ordinary rope. "Just what is happening to me," he thought.
The knock came again, gentler still. He became suspicious, one of those two personalities he thought of would have broken the wooden door. As he moved to open the door, a silly thought came to him, wanting him to smile up at whoever was there. At this point he thought he was going 'real mad' but decided to do just that.
He opened the door, with a broad smile on his face to this stunning beauty of a woman. Everything about her pointed to class. She smiled back, extended her hands in handshake. He took it in an awe struck manner. Invited her and they talked. She told him how she's looked for him sometime last year and couldn't get across to him because no one from his other residence knows where he stays. "I happened to have met your ex girlfriend last week in a forum and somehow one thing led to another and she mentioned you. I checked my record and it was the same you. I called her up and asked for your address which she reluctantly gave me though. I think I have searched for you world over, " she beamed. He waited for her to finish as he was getting confused. "So here is saying congratulations I found you and for the new job which we'd need you to please accept and start up next week. You would be leaving with me tomorrow morning to your new apartment, everything you need are there, an official car will be given to you by next week if you will agree to this offer and become the next manager as the other manager Mr Stephen Curry mentioned you before he passed on last year." She took a deep breath and waited. He took a deeper breath but tears welled up again and he couldn't help himself. This time he cried like a baby that just got out of the womb. Angry tears, uncontrollable laughter...and more tears. He's really gone mad. Sweet lady couldn't help him despite her attempts to help him feel better.
He got down on his knees and thanked her profusely. He wouldn't get up, so she joined him in kneeling and thanked him profusely for accepting the offer because her job and the company was at stake. He bade her farewell.
He did a mental recap of few hours ago and cried some more and resorted to thanking God.
This might be someone's real life story but don't give up just yet. God's got your back, keep up the fight and always remember Him who can change lives in matter of seconds...
Shalom.