I have a cry of the soul and I do not know how to continue to be and tell no one, parents can not say, I do not want to upset them. Girlfriend also just can not tell everything, no matter how close she was not.
I cried to myself all my eyes and from resentment and loneliness, but in my heart just darkness. Insults are so much that words can not convey. I married a loved one, although he hurt me a lot. I gave birth to a daughter, my only happiness. A family life is darkness. The husband is good, not drinking, not smoking and, probably, loving. I can not talk with him, as soon as I start any topic, in response to me thousands of claims and ridicule. As much as I wanted to talk to him easily and simply to talk heart to heart, so that he could hear me, hugged me. I was pregnant, thought, surrounded with care and affection, but no. A big belly, I can not buckle my shoes, I grumble, and he stands, for the whole pregnancy I only asked a couple of times how I feel, I did not ask if I wanted to eat. He only asked how much he had collected to lose weight after the birth.
She gave birth - with the child helped in everything, bathed and lulled, played. My milk on the nerves and from the diet was gone. And my husband poked all the weight. He hit me once and said that he did not need a fat wife and would go to a normal slender girl if I did not lose weight. At my height 172 after the birth period in 4 months I weighed 62 kg. Now my daughter is over a year old, my weight is 60 kilograms, and still pokes me with this, and humiliates in any case. In bed, I have not any satisfaction, for all the years there have been a couple of pleasant moments (I'm telling him that everything is fine, so that there will not be quarrels, he has "good" with this, and I think as soon as I have sex it would all end). She sinned at herself, they say, she can frigid, but no, she talked with a sexologist. For me, sex does not mean anything, I do not want to do it, but I can not refuse, my husband will say that he does not need such a wife, and go left. I no longer know what to do and how I should be. Divorce and go to the parent with her daughter, or go on living? I do not understand myself whether I love him or not.