When she used to see another girl her immediate thought was, ‘wow, I wish I looked like that.’
It’s not that she was unhappy with how she looked or who she was… she just always wished to be a little bit… more.
A little prettier, a little skinnier, a little taller, a little smarter, a little quieter, a little something, so a guy would fall head over heels in love with her.
Every negative thing her exes had said about her sat heavy on her soul. She’s “too much” or “tries too hard” but it’s just in her nature, she can’t help it.
She feels it’s impossible to do anything without investing in it, especially when it comes to herself.
So she became hypercritical of her appearance, she would over think every interaction, every text message, every exchange of words because she was terrified of ending up alone.
Every day she radiates with an unconditional love for others in hopes that one day, it would be reciprocated to her.
But some people just can’t handle that type of care. They aren’t capable of understanding how truly and completely they could be loved by her, so they become overwhelmed.
They’re intimidated by her passion, by her endless efforts to make everyone else happy, to become the best possible version of herself not only for herself but for him, too.
But truthfully, she’s a work in progress, she’s still trying to figure this whole ‘life’ thing out and there’s nothing wrong with that.
She’s starting to understand there’s nothing to gain by pretended to be someone she’s not. She’s given up trying to ‘tone it down’ or ‘chill’ because a guy tells her to.
She’s loud and intelligent and she’s a force to reckon with, that’s for sure.
It hasn’t been easy, but she’s finally learned to love herself in the way she’s loved others: unconditionally, truly, and completely.
Because when she does meet the right guy, he’s going to stick around for who she truly is, not a girl she acts like to make him want her.
And if he leaves, she can walk away knowing she put her best foot forward and that she will always have herself to fall back on.
