I don’t know what to write. I stare into my mind and there are a thousand and one open tabs of Ideas, thoughts, feelings, and stuff to write about.
Anyways, it’s the third of March, we are now three years into 2022 and I must say I’m grateful for it, for a new month, for a fresh start. February felt like two months in one. For a month that isn’t even up to the regular month count, it did too much.
My birthday was last month, 16th February. I wanted to write an article about it but I had a change of heart. Birthdays. The day we are born, the day we mark our place in this world. The beginning of a lot of yearly anniversaries. The beginning of breath, of taste, of sight (technically new borns take a few days before they start to see but you get the point). As grown as you are, as big as your experiences are, as bruised as your heart is, as full of love, pain, purpose, and everything that adds up to this moment of your life, it all started from one defining moment, and here we are.
I like birthdays. I like to celebrate my birthdays with a small circle of close friends. It used to be just me and my best friends – Eze and Amaka, sometimes I would have some other friends with me. When I stopped being close friends with Eze, it became just Amaka and I. We would do dinners, a little partying and whatever else we please.
My last birthday wasn’t spent with any of my old friends, I spent my day with a different person and I really loved it. It was simple and romantic, if I do say so myself. I was happy and made the most out of my day. I also spent it in a different city. I recently moved to another state to have a taste of a different kind of life. My birthday felt like an optimistic start to my fresh start here and I felt deeply grateful to everyone who made me break a smile on that day. It was precious.
Anyways, I want to continue to feel optimistic about my future. I had a personal goal I set for myself to achieve at this age. While I’m not one for the timelines, I don’t care much for age and the matrix of achievement and growth attached. People have been made to believe that at a certain age, you are expected to have attained a certain height or acquired some level of achievement but none that makes sense, I’m moving at my pace and it will continue that way. I feel great about turning twenty five and I know lots beautiful things are going to happen for me.
I have come a long way, held and played lots of cards. Danced to countless songs and gathered lots of memories. One thing I admire about me is I’m always ready to welcome the next new things, I keep an open mind believing that everything is designed for my highest good. I don’t know what the next hour has in store, but I will always be here.
Something happened to me at the beginning of the year. A former romantic partner reached out to me to help them render a big help to his current girlfriend. It should have been a difficult decision to make but I did it so easily. I feel like I should mention that this ex cheated on me with this person while we were together, so yeah, baggage. We both knew it was a lot to ask and he didn’t expect that I would agree to it. We stayed friends after we parted ways because it is never that deep for me but him asking me to do this was a little much. I met the girl and she was a sweet soul. She liked me and said she would like to stay close because ‘friends’ would be a reach. She would text me sometimes to check in.
One day she said we can’t control what happens in our lives because no one would ever imagine what happened between us. I told her we can only try to control the outcomes with our actions.
I didn’t tell my best friend about this event because she would have judged me, she wouldn’t get it and I like to keep it that way. I exist a lot on the grey lines, it is hardly ever black and white with me. With me, it doesn’t have to make sense. My heart told me it was okay to do what I did and it is what it is.
Life is a continuously unfolding series of big and small events and the universe keeps the details of mine crazy and interesting.