I had a rough week-end. This explains my slow activity in the last 4 days. I felt I needed time to recalibrate myself emotionally. It is not easy because I had difficult things happening to me, one after another, starting with 10th of June, continuing on 12th and culminating with 14th.
I was so happy when I saw the fact that I am number 1 in the Engagement League. I worked so much and sticked to a schedule and my hard work gave me the well deserved spot. Now I need a victory in my life, no matter how small it might be and I thank you all and I thank Hive. I am so grateful for having this.I need it now more than ever...It is my way of coping with everything which is happening to me and to show my creative and emotional side. I salute all the winners from Engagement League and 
I always took pride in how well I can cope with adversities. I always stayed strong and sailed my way through the storms. But sometimes.. Very rarely... I can't. It is when things pile up and pile up that I am overwhelmed. Where do you reach for support when you feel mostly alone? How do you get up when all you want is to sit down and cry away your pain? I wish I could say it is easy. But it is not sometimes. Even the bravest sailor can have a bad day. I show very little emotions and I hide my sensitive side quite a lot when I suffer. I often hide my pain because most of the times I had no one next to me to share it with and understand me & comfort me. And when I did show my pain... few actually cared because most people are consumed by their own demons way too much in order to have the power to help you tame yours.
I don't know which is the saddest part:that you are sad or that your life is in such a hard spot now that you can't even afford the luxury to be sad for long. Because there is no one out there to reach you in case you fall. Because you have the weight of responsability on your shoulders. This is the hidden part of great character: the high degree of pain through which you have to go through and still remain a good person, still keep faith in people, still fight your battles, still believe in love and in good things coming your way. This is the hidden part most people do not notice on great people because it is kept deep within. It comes with a price: I can often become too harsh on myself and on others because I do not know better. Hardship is all I've been having since childhood...
The best thing I can do is wipe away the pain and get up. Being strong and move on is my only option. Maybe this is the secret of my drive, of my endurance: I know that I have no other option and no other support for my dreams than myself. And yes, it is lonely.... And yes...I can have a rough time. But this storm will pass and I will get to see the sun beyond the dark. Calm seas never made a good sailor.... And I know that I have to get up and start sailing because the other option would leave me shipwrecked. And I sailed too much and too strong to let that happen to me.
Have a good night my Hive community, you are all of great support for me more than you think. Toodle loo!
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