A Serial Short Story Series
Book One: Regard Feels The Heat
If you are new to the tale and want to start reading from the beginning
Chapter Five
That night Regard slept about as well as bat in a wind tunnel. Her mind was running a ruminating Iron Man Marathon. All the turmoil was internal though, she didn’t dare move, for Fester was snuggled in the nest he made every night out of her long black tresses. She hated to disturb her little buddy and smiled as she thought about the squeak of irritation he would make if she flopped over and tossed him. “Maybe later.” She mused.
She finally drifted off to sleep. Morning came knocking on her eyelids as another rare sunny day bathed her in a warm get-moving glow. Her chest felt strangely heavy and as she opened her eyes she spied the cause.
“Morning Fester, sleep well?”
Her ermine friend responded by tilting his head to the side and regarding her with his abyss-like black eyes. Each day more and more of his coat turned brown for the approaching summer and his little bandit mask was growing in. She reached out to scratch his chin.
“Today is chair hauling day. I don’t know Fest, I think this year’s Logger Days is going to be more like Town Implosion Days,” she mused, “Why can’t people just behave themselves and mind their own business?”
She burst out laughing, “Look who I’m talking too, the town klepto.”
Fester responded by emitting a squeak and leaping off her chest. He disappeared under her mother’s antique chest of drawers, a place where Regard knew he kept all of his most sacred treasures.
Today, Regard was supposed to meet Hank at the Ornery Otter and load Babe up with chairs. The town’s annual Logger Days festival was the following day, a competition that showcased all manner of logging sport from pole climbing to ax throwing. The Ornery Otter’s contribution to the festivities was to run the crab shack. For five dollars a hungry festival attendee could get all the fresh caught and cooked Dungeness crab one could eat. The cheap beer and melted butter flowed during Logger Days. As did the insults and all-out debauchery. It was honestly one of Regard’s favorite days of the year.
Dressed in her favorite jeans and a white and black flannel shirt to match her bandanna, Regard walked into the kitchen to find Bud already enjoying at least his second cup of coffee.
“Bout time you got out of bed. What do I even pay you for?” he grunted.
“You pay me? Whoa, in what? Consternation dollars and annoyance cents?” Regard returned.
“Getting a little high and mighty are we, Dew Berry?” her father replied as she poured herself a cup of her dad’s legendarily strong coffee.
“Just emulating my dear old dad, bad traits and all.” She responded with a very nice eyelash flutter.
“Hmph. Balls on a heifer.” Her dad muttered as he took a sip.
Always one to end on a high note, Regard put the lid on her coffee travel mug, picked up her keys, and replied, “Oh, by the way, Marla and Becky will probably be by later today, I told them you would be thrilled to go to one of their singles socials.”
The resulting roar of agony and rage put a bit more cheer in Regard’s step as she strolled out of the kitchen. Fester came scampering out of the bedroom, no doubt he had finished his treasure inventory, and executed a very nice ninja move up off the arm of their horrid couch and onto her shoulder.
It was a beautiful morning. The mist that hung in the air was already burning off, and Regard’s face burst into a smile as she walked toward Babe. While her trusty truck was warming up she stared off down the hill at Ptarmigan Cove. Somedays she was sad that she didn’t get to leave and pursue her dream of barrel racing, but staring at the still blue waters of the ocean from her driveway reminded her that sometimes diverted dreams weren’t all that bad.
A squeak from Fester distracted her from her musings. He was hanging over the edge of the dashboard. Batting at the radio.
“Ah, feeling a little musical this morning are we?” Regard inquired.
For some reason, Fester loved music, and he got really excited when Regard would sing along. He would emit little squeaks of excitement too. Regard cranked up the volume and soon they both were singing their own versions of Queen’s Sombody to Love.
By the time the song was over she found herself backing up to the Ornery Otter’s loading area in the back of the main building. It was pretty early in the day, so other than the proprietor Harry being around, she figured the only other soul still haunting the Otter was Hank Portfile, but he usually stayed in his porthole and listened to talk radio in the mornings.
“Morning Regard,” Harry called as he walked out onto the loading dock, “Ready for some good, old-fashioned family fun?” He quipped as he wiggled his otter pelt brown mustache like a bouncing caterpillar.
“Oh yes, because Logger Days is so wholesome.” Regard chuckled in reply.
“Let’s get er done!” Harry said picking up a stack of the Otter’s plentiful brown vinyl chairs.
“Hey Buddy how are ya!” came a greeting from no other than John Derby as he strode out the back door with a stack of chairs.
“Morning John, how goes it?” Regard replied as she picked up a stack of chairs that Harry had sat on Babe’s flatbed and carried them to the front.
“Well two coconuts in a casket, if it ain’t the most beautiful girl in Ptarmigan Cove. Regard Darlin, when are we going to get together.” Hey Buddy dropped that line in the most salacious way possible.
“Probably when Satan opens a ski shop next to Becky’s house.” Regard replied sweetly.
Hey Buddy let loose with his great booming laugh, a most infectious noise, and by the end of his third guffaw, they were all giggling amiably.
“I hate to break up this mirth circus, but John, I need you to come down to my place.”
Regard dropped her latest stack of chairs and saw that it was Officer Beare who had requested Hey Buddy’s presence.
“Why’s that officer?” Hey Buddy replied in a mystified tone.
“Because I am placing you under arrest for arson and destruction of property.” Officer Beare replied.
“What evidence do you have that he committed the crime?” Regard blurted.
Soren Beare turned his cold, dark eyes on Regard and replied, “Not that I need to explain myself to you, Regard, but there’s an eyewitness statement swearing that his vehicle drove out the road to the lodge around the time the arson was committed. That, among other certain items of physical evidence, was enough to have a warrant issued for John’s arrest. Come on John, let’s go.”
“I didn’t do it. At least I don’t think I did. Why would I want to burn some perfectly good skiffs?” Hey Buddy mused in a confused tone. In all the years she had known him, Regard had never seen him so mystified.
Regard was enraged. She knew about the lighter, that could have been planted. What other evidence was there?
“Soren Beare! You know Hey Buddy doesn’t have a deceptive bone in his hooktender body! If you are talking about Marla McDuckett’s so-called Divinely inspired testimony, that doesn’t hold water. She herself said she couldn’t see who was driving!”
“Is someone taking my name in vain?” came a voice from behind Harry.
“Marla, you told me and Becky that you didn’t see who was in the truck.” Regard erupted.
“That’s true Regard, I didn’t, but I’m afraid it was the whiskey that really closed the case, wasn’t Officer Beare?” Marla replied in a disgustingly saccharine tone, “The devil’s brew always is present when something bad is going down.”
Hey Buddy started making some weird sort of choking noises, but Regard was too incensed to wonder why.
“You have no proof, other than a smattering of coincidental evidence that points to John. That’s so weak. Do they train VPSO’s to go with the easy solution every time?” Regard’s words were full of venom as she took a defiant step toward Officer Beare.
Soren was gazing down at her with what felt like barely restrained fury and said, “Out of the way Temple, or you’ll be coming with us on a charge of obstructing justice.”
“There would have to be justice to obstruct.” She spat back, the corona of red around her irises blazing.
“It’s such a shame when law enforcement is disrespected.” Marla said in a condescending one, “It’s just a sign of a lack of education.”
For years Regard had been taking the high road, enduring Marla and her clans digs at her, her father, and her family in general. She’d had enough and was going to let that high and mighty priestess of perpetual judgment have it when someone grabbed her arm.
“Easy kiddo, that’s what she wants,” Harry whispered in her ear. “Don’t worry John, we’ll take up a collection and have ya out of the clink by tomorrow morning.”
Regard exhaled, stared Soren in the eyes, and vowed, “And I’m going to do your job for you, cause I know he’s innocent, and I’m going to prove it.”
Marla released an irritating cackle of a laugh. “Oh, Officer Beare, isn’t she just too much. I suppose the Lord gifted her with that imaginative spirit and we should try to appreciate it, but really, she is just a little over the top this time.”
“If you’d arm wrestle me tomorrow, I’d show you the meaning of that phrase you treacherous crocodile.” Regard growled before stomping inside the bar to collect more chairs.
“That woman is a vile harpy of the self-righteous and plastic kind!” Regard exploded as she plopped herself into one of the chairs. Tears welled up in her eyes.
“Well, don’t let her get to you Salmon Blossom. She may preach the Good Word but her innards are anything but.” Harry replied. He went behind the bar and poured Regard a big glass of iced tea. As he plopped a slice of lemon in the glass he continued, “Anyone trying that hard to come down on others has a big old slab of misery right where their heart should be. That woman would be blessed to have half as much heart as ya got girl.”
Regard looked up at Harry. “Thank you.” She said softly, taking the tea from his big paw-like hands. He reached out and patted her on the shoulder before saying, “Well, we better get those chairs to deliver if you are going to get to your other job today.”
Regard snapped her confused gaze onto his, “What other job?”
“Why, proving Hey Buddy innocent. That job.” Harry replied.
Check back soon for Chapter Six!
Regarding the images in this post, my book cover art was commissioned and designed by my super talented friend Tabi, AKA The Scarlett Queen. Check out her work on Instagram
The little ermine image came from Pixabay