It hurts when you are seeing your loved ones in pain emotionally.
My wife and I are living together for more than 6 months now. We are a happy couple as we are still in the "honeymoon" period still. Some people that we know of are joking us that what we have is an extended honeymoon as we are in this pandemic season.
But as we all know, in a relationship it is not only the happy times that make you more connected. The crying times are also a part of it.
Before we got married, I already knew that my wife had a Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome also known as PCOS.
Image Credits
I do not know such a term until she explained it to me in words that I can understand easily. In short, the chances that she will be able to conceive is very little especially as we age.
We talked with some of the people that we know of and even joined Facebook groups to silently read on what we can do to have higher chances of pregnancy. Each time, that I search for something related to pregnancy the advertisement on Facebook keeps popping up and gets me really irritated.
She, on the other hand, says that she saw an advertisement and wants to try the product. Being a skeptic, my first question would be is this an FDA approved supplement?
I am not a negatron - I want us to have a baby too but if the product that she saw online isn't FDA approved, no proven history of research, website that I can view, office that we can see physically then chances are those products that we saw is something that can't be consumed.
Image credits: FDA
We are not able to consult a doctor as we cannot go to the hospital for the past few months. The cases of COVID-19 in our area are extremely high and scheduled appointments are only allowed.
Image from Facebook City Health Office Binan
Her monthly cycle is somehow okay for the past 5 months, as she tracks everything on her app the day before the expected period of one day after the expected period she will have her menstruation. But she never had her mens for 3 days already. We are thinking that she might be pregnant at that time but we are not sure and discussed that we will be buying the pregnancy test kit if after a week she is still experiencing the same.
That night, when we woke up in preparation for work. She went to the restroom and after opening the doors she is sobbing. Disappointed, as she had her menstruation. I do not have words to say to her. I was quiet, I hugged her really tight and said that it is okay, at least you still have your period. That is still a sign that you are healthy and doing well.
Honestly, I am not sure if those words helped her. She was down and sometimes staring blankly. She was really upset and as his husband, I know that there may be something that I can do to somehow ease the pain that she is experiencing.
I recall something that she is requesting in the past that might be of help. That is to have a pet cat in our home. We talked about it multiple times and I told her that it is okay to have one (but in reality I don't) as I do not want to have pets. But I guess if you love someone you are willing to bend some of your rules if you think that it can help them feel better right? As long as it is not something against what I believe in I can compromise.
We got 1 cat at first and then another after 3 weeks and having the two brings joy to us.
At one point we are able to forget the time wherein she is experiencing the pain of having her period. But I guess it is just temporary.
September 26, 2020, according to her tracking application she should have her period. She is not experiencing any pain that she usually experiences in the past months, she is just sleepy at times and she sometimes had headaches. She thought that it is just a lack of sleep as she is sleepy but nonetheless everything is normal.
Two days have passed already, she is still not experiencing any menstrual pains some thoughts are running into her and my mind. I am telling myself that she might be pregnant but I just keep it to myself as I do not want her to expect and have another heartache. We talked about getting the test done by the weekend to see if we are going to get some results.
Wednesday 30th of September, we talked about getting the pregnancy test as we are just prolonging the agony. If it is positive then we celebrate but if it is negative then there is something wrong that needs to be fixed.
We bought the kits in the morning and after we woke up around 7:30ish PM we tried it. Looking on the small device, slowly get wet with the urine sample. Mixed thoughts are running to our head, what if this is negative what should we feel? If this is positive what will be our next action then etc.
As per the instructions, we need to wait for 3-5 minutes until we get the result. We logged in to our systems as we are preparing to start our day in our work and after 5 mins we looked at the device.
It was heartbreaking, both kits show negative. I comforted her and hugged her as she cried in disappointment and frustration. It was disappointing at some point as she was experiencing some of the symptoms of having an early pregnancy and frustration as we are thinking that there is something wrong again that needs to be addressed.
1st result that we got from the pregnancy test kit.
We tried to do our best at work that day but I think working when your mind is filled with negative stuff is not really helpful as you cannot give 100% of your ability as your mind is floating elsewhere. It is also the end of the month and reports that need to be completed.
We did not throw the kit immediately, and on our break, we noticed a slight change in the device. I noticed a very thin line in the other part of the kit was found. I asked my wife if she can see it but she was not able to see it very well. It was really faint, and when we try to get a sample image through our cellphones we really cannot see it.
After 2nd look here's the result
Confused, we tried to search for answers in google and we are unable to make a sound confirmation. Some say, that if there's a change after 5 minutes then the results provided would be invalid. Also, some say that it is already positive. I asked two of our nurse friends and explained the situation and one said negative and the other is she is not really sure.
To make sure that it was accurate indeed what we were advised is to check it again after 3 days. Which was Saturday, and do the test 1st thing in the morning. Us being night owls, we are unable to follow that tip and woke up at around 7:00 PM as I have other meetings to attend to.
After the meeting, we tried to sleep but thoughts keep running unto her mind.
What if it is really negative?
Maybe I will just be a mother of cats and I will not have a baby?
Why others have babies even if they don't want it.
Why we were given such an answer, if it was really a negative at first it should be that way so that the pain will just be there.
So many why's are stated as tears run on my wife's eye.
If this is negative then what am I feeling in the past few days? Is there something wrong? Does my body play tricks on me?
I do not have any answer no words that may comfort her. I just stayed silent, hugged her really tight, and told her that I love her whatever the result.
We use the kits that we bought in the morning, watched as the drops of urine cover the strip, and waited for 3 minutes. We told ourselves that we are ready whatever the result is but the reality is we are hoping that it was positive.
The kits were filled and we are really happy with the result. Each kit has 1 clear line and 1 faint line. As per the device if there's 2 lines available it means that it is positive.
We are still in awe of the result, we tried to ask some of our friends to confirm if this is true but since we took the test early in the morning 3:00 AM no one's answering our chat. Until someone replied and said congrats to us.
We posted it on our Facebook account and received messages from friends and family members flooded.
We are happy and now our next step is to maintain the kid. As one of the videos that we watched says conceiving is a sign that your body is healthy but sustaining life is the next challenge.
We now have names available for the kid once the gender is revealed. We already talked about the name 6 years ago even before we became boyfriend-girlfriend in one of our random chats.
Azariah if it is a boy and Faith if she will be a girl.
That is all for me this time, as I shifted from being a kid to a man, now I am learning the ropes now and preparing myself for the new role in fatherhood.