I was still a little kid when my Mommy Merly left us, she's my Mommy F's first partner, and she's the one who urges my Mommy F to get me instead of my brother because Mommy F really wants a little boy rather than a girl. Being the daughter of my Mommy Merly, was really a blessing for me. She treats me like a princess and will give me anything that I may like. She's the type of strict but adoring mother. And she's also close to my biological mother. Even she was really sad that she left us early because of her illness, and so was I.
I missed her, there are times that I still think about her and create a scenario in my head, like, What if she's still alive? What if she's here with me now, having a mother-daughter moment? I may not be her real daughter, but she really treats me as hers. She gave her full love and attention to me, as if I were from her own blood. That's why I can never forget those moments with her. It was maybe just a short time, but I remember it.
I was too little to understand everything before, but some of the memories I have of her are still vivid in my head. Our little short walk together while walking hand in hand, our time together going into the church Or our short trip, going into her own place where her relatives were living. I don't have a closer relationship with those people now, but I still remember them. It is sad that the only person who is connecting us is gone now. We failed to reconnect as we also began our own lives, just like them.
Another thing that I remember about her is that she really loves to put me in some kind of competition where she can dress me up, put makeup on, and show my face to our little town. I remember joining some of them, I still have those photographs with me where I am dressed up like a doll. It's not like I mind, I won't do it for sure if I don't have the desire to do it too. And, you will be surprised, too, to see that someone like me, who loves my t-shirts and pants, was always dressed up in a dress as a kid.
That's what I remember when Mommy Merly was still alive. If she's still here with us, will my wardrobe stay the same as before, or will it change too as to how I dress up right now? I will never know because she's not here now. But one thing is for sure, I'll wear whatever my mommy Merly will give me and wear it proudly, as I know that she's thinking of me when she gets those clothes.
So anyways, why am I being sentimental right now, you ask? It's because, it's my mommy Merly's 69th birthday today. We couldn't visit her at her resting place, so we decided to just light a candle for her. That's what we usually do when we can't go to the cemetery for some reason. Of course, we shouldn't just light a candle for them, whisper a little prayer and talk to them too, like you are just talking to them personally or like you talk to a person.
I didn't say much to her, I just wish her a happy life wherever she is right now. I also asked if she's happy right now or if she's watching us from above while we're on our journey through life to our chosen destination. Though I can't get an answer, in my heart, I know she's happy now as she was already free from her own suffering.
"And though you are gone now Mom, know that, I'll remember you forever."
