Week 85. This song contains the origin of my username. Awhile back I shared a post about it, but it got almost no votes and so I doubt this will be annoying anyone as being repetitive if I copy here what I said there. So here is the explanation of this song and my username. Also a couple of pictures I took, both straight up because I enjoyed the fences in them. There's just something about me and fences I guess.
People sometimes ask me if I'm a painter, because of my username. The answer is that I am a painter of words.
I'm a songwriter. I say that I'm a poet but it's weird to think of myself as a poet for some reason. Songwriter feels like a more appropriate label.
My username comes from 2 words in this song that I wrote right after my grandmother passed away in 2001.
Her passing was unexpected and tragic and it sent me spiraling into a depression from which I thought I might never recover. I was so very close with my grandmother. She and my grandfather lived just at the end of the driveway. My sister and I lived in their house just as much as we lived in our own. Home is where your tribe is. Roofs aren't relevant.
I dealt with my grief by writing music. I almost flunked out of college mainly because of staying behind at my apartment, wallowing around and writing songs instead of attending classes. (I eventually did graduate with a degree in photography and mass communications, but it took a long time!)
Having only been playing the guitar for a couple of years, I was enamored by the process. My dad had taught me all he knew, which was a lot, but I was still learning. My fingers could do that? What? I'm creating this? It was a joy like nothing I had known before.
I couldn't afford lessons, nor did anyone I knew have the patience to teach me. So I just finished teaching myself based on what my dad had taught me. Suddenly, I was writing songs.
This is one of the first recordings I ever released onto the internet, in 2001. You'll find my username in the lyrics below. Painting angels.
One day, maybe a week or 2 after my grandmother passed on, I was sketching into a notebook and I started drawing angels. I remember drawing a few of them, and I remember talking to them.
When I drew the angels, it made me feel less alone. It made me feel like someone was there with me, and it made me feel like, in some small way, I was able to communicate with my grandmother. It's impossible to explain.
Then, as I was planting flowers one day, I had this vision pop into my head of someone like MIchaelangelo, painting angels all over the walls in the hopes of finding companionship in a time of loneliness. Planting flowers was also comforting. There' something about digging my hands into the soil that makes me feel more alive and very connected to the Earth. It's like therapy.
Then I started working on the song. I took a couple of days with it, which is rare for me. The recording is raw, as I was just learning, and was a beginner at guitar as well. It's certainly not perfect, but I would really like to share it anyway, if for no other reason than being able to send this message to people who ask me if I'm a painter because of my username.
Below are the lyrics, and I hope someone might be able to relate. Grieving the loss of a loved one is a surreal, overwhelming experience.. I hope that if you're experiencing such a struggle, that you may find a way to comfort yourself via some form of creative outlet, or even just with a walk in the woods or a chat with a loved one. Planting daisies and painting angels works for me. And if that doesn't work for you, just know that I'm here to talk if you ever need a friend. ♥ Thank to anyone who read down this far.
Jumping Broken Fences
Here I am,
painting angels on my walls
to keep me company
now that you have gone.
And I know that it is true,
Every rainbow holds some blue
within its pretty walls
a little shade of you
Now it's another day
planting daisies in my back yard.
They look so pretty,
standing tall alone.
And it's another night
watching sheep jump broken fences
in my weary sleep
before I find my dreams
I feel the angels gazing at me
as I open up my eyes
to see a new day waiting patiently
And as my thoughts run 'round in circles
another rainbow paints the sky
It looks so pretty
I know I'll find my way
And it's another day
planting daisies in my back yard
They look so pretty
standing tall alone.
And it's another night
watching sheep jump mended fences
in my weary sleep
before I find my dreams
(Also, I would like to say thank you to 
and 
, who make this open mic contest and community happen.
And thank you to and ALL of the judges.. they don't have to take time out of their (many) busy days to listen to hundreds of songs and then contemplate the beauty or lifelessness of them, but they do it every week. How amazing is that?
Show some L♥VE!
@Luzcypher
I am a proud helpinaut! @Helpie is looking for new members! Helpie has been growing nicely and we are always on the lookout for new valuable members. We are very supportive and community oriented. If you would like to be scouted for 
, please drop a comment on THIS POST or contact me on discord at paintingangels(serena)#3668.