Sometimes I can't decide on a cover image because I either have more than one to choose from and by the time I narrow my choices down to two too many it's a coin toss and I don't have much use for coins or I just don't have anything in my arsenal that says used car saleswomenmenpeople are mufukinbloodsuckin scumbags so an evening river walk in London it is.
We need a second vehicle. :time out:
We don't need a second vehicle. We want one, sometimes, I mean. :time in:
We drive a Subaru Outback now, those things go anywhere. The next one doesn't necessarily have to compare to the Outback but it at least needs to be luxury and all-wheel drive. I'll probably end up getting another Subaru anyway but I found a Lincoln MKZ the other day that checked a lot of boxes. I linked it cuz I don't remember seeing Lincoln's outside the US.
It's freezing cold outside; gloves, beanie, long sleeves converted to snot rags, walls of snow on both sides of the road. You know it's cold when you can sit inside your car at a used car dealership in the middle of the day unbothered by a salesperson.
I got out, tip-toed and hopped like a night out with Jack Sparrow toward the front office, methodically avoiding slushy ice water puddles between the car and entrance doors.
Can I help you?
What brings you here today?
Two different salespeople, a dude and a chick, each distracted by their computer screens look away from their desk to welcome me.
Some years ago, I probably would've made eye contact with the dude, it's nothing personal. After touring a good chunk of our globe the past six years with Pura, however, and experiencing the way majority of cultures disrespect the living shit outta women, I make eye contact with them now when given the option.
I wish I didn't!
Had I allowed him to assist me instead of her I could've said what I really thought instead of bite my tongue out of respect for the twat had he tried to pull the same shit she did.
We talked a little bit about the car while the blizzard outside intensified. I got the whole lot to myself, no one else is car shopping today.
One owner. No accidents. AWD. Power everything. Ch-check, ch-check dot dot dot.
Small talk. Key fob. Points out the Lincoln. Back to the elements goes me.
I pushed the button. It fired right up and purred like krazzytrukker's kat. Next button I found was the seat heater. It works—turned it all the way up. This one's got a heated steering wheel, fancy, the Subaru doesn't have that. It works too—all the way up. Both sunroofs work. All the windows work. Seats, dash controls, everything seems to work. Defrost works, it's just taking a little longer than normal.
I exited the lot onto whatever Highway that was and smashed the gas pedal to make sure the all-wheel drive works. It'll either hook up or not.
It hooked up. Didn't break traction at all, 60mph before I knew it. I'm the only car on the road.
Good thing❗️
Between about 61 and 80mph the whole car shook so bad I wish I never found the steering wheel heater. You know how in war movies there's always that scene where dude's half in, half out the helicopter, firing a giant machine gun out the door all Ba!Ba!B Bbb! Ba!Ba!Ba!Ba!Ba!Ba!Ba!B Bbb! B! BB! Ba!Ba!Ba!Ba!Ba BB! Ba!Ba!Ba! B! Bbb! and 50-cal shells are ejecting from the weapon at the same rate every muscle in his forearms twitch trying to maintain control of it?
That was me on that hot ass steering wheel!
I slowed down and turned around. Could be something as minor as unbalanced tires. Could also be something major.
Either way, it's something.
Returned to the lot. I parked as close as I could to the entrance doors to avoid unnecessary Jack Sparrow steps.
Nice car, right? How did you like it?
She said all bright eyed and smiley before the door closed behind me like she gives two shits about anything I think other than whether or not I'm gonna buy it.
I didn't. It shakes real bad over 60mph, did you know that? Probably something minor like wheel weights or struts. But it could also be wheel bearings and a power steering pump. If you guys fix it and call me, I'll come back and drive it again.
That's because it's cold...
That's not all. She continued talking out her ass like I'm a fuckwad who has no idea how a car works.
That's because it's cold outside. Those cars need 10-15 minutes to warm up and then they stop shaking.
She said that.
Are you stupid or have you talked out your ass so long you actually believe your shit?
...Is what I did not say.
Really?! C'mon, never. She's a used car saleswoman, probably practices talking out her ass every time she's stuck in traffic but I'm not gonna point out how stupid she is. I'm not rude I'm prickly.
I let it warm up for about 15 minutes in the parking lot, that's not it. It's probably nothing, just some misbalanced tires. You have a mechanic on site, right?
She said they did and that she'd send the car to the shop and have it looked at. I gave her my number, told her if they figured out what's wrong with it and fixed it, give me a call.
She called me the next evening, said I was right. Both the owner and the mechanic agreed, she said, there's something wrong with the car.
If you agree to buy it, come down here and sign a contract, we'll send the car to the dealer to have the shaking issue assessed.
This broad can't be for real. First it's too cold to drive like a normal car and now they'll get it looked at only after I agree to buy it.
That's not how this works.
I told her no, said some other stuff too but kept it cordial. I just wanted off the phone at that point. Couldn't believe anything she said.
She said if I changed my mind, yata yata, something, something else.
I told her I wouldn't. We hung up, haven't heard from her since. Has it always been like that? Maybe I haven't shopped enough used cars.
We still have the one car. Nice car, though. I wish we didn't need it. Traveliving the past six years, we didn't need one, that was nice. The US is way too vast for that and still too new to rely on public transportation. Owning a vehicle here is necessary.
So, if you see someone thumbing for a ride out there with a German Shepherd and tattoos all over his hands, relax, she's a good dog. If you're not gonna stop you could at least swerve dangerously close and holler expletives. It gives me something to write about.
