It’s been said that life is a sexually transmitted condition with a terminal prognosis.
“Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. These are the most powerful words at the end of one’s life. They could easily become the most important words all during one’s life as well.
Palliative care should involve a collaborated, organized effort by all staff in supporting a Psycho-Social-Spiritual Program in long term care. The goal is to improve the quality of life at the end of life.
People involved in Palliative Care, Care-givers need also to be aware of how to care for themselves and their own emotions and attitudes. Self-Care is crucial to all staff involved in Palliative Care.
There is wisdom in stating the obvious…
Ask a man who is being wheeled into transplant surgery or a woman facing chemotherapy for the third time what’s on his or her mind and the answer will always involve the people they love.
The specter of death reveals our relationships to be our most precious possessions… people often expressed deep regret over things they wish they had said before a grandparent, parent, sibling, or friend before they died. They can’t change what was, but without fail their regrets have fuelled a healthy resolve to say what needs to be said before it’s too late – to clear away hurt feelings, to connect in profound ways with the people who mean the most to them.
Everyone knows that all relationships, even the most loving, have occasional rough spots.
We assume that the people we love know that we love them, even if we’ve had our disagreements and tense moments. Yet when someone we love dies suddenly, we often have gnawing doubts.
We are all sons or daughters, whether we are six years of age or ninety-six. Even the most loving parent-child relationship can feel forever incomplete if their mother or father dies without having explicitly expressed affection for them or without having acknowledged past tensions.
There is painful regret that comes from not speaking these most basic feelings. There is value in stating the obvious. When you love someone, it is never too soon to say “I love you,” or premature to say “Thank you,” “I forgive you,” or “Will you please forgive me?” When there is nothing of profound importance left unsaid, relationships tend to take on an aspect of celebration, as they should.
A deep, natural drive to connect with others lies at the heart of what it means to be human.
You need not wait until you or someone you love is seriously ill. By taking the time and by caring enough to express forgiveness, gratitude, and affection, you can renew and revitalize your most precious connections.
The Practice of Good-bye…
By working for years in close proximity to death you can come to understand viscerally that we live every moment on the brink. We are each one of us, at every moment, a heartbeat away from death. Seen against the backdrop of our certain mortality, our differences are dwarfed by our commonality – and the importance we hold for one.
The word "good-bye" derives from "God be with you," a blessing that was traditionally given at parting and, in some churches, still is. In leaving nothing unsaid, we can recapture this original meaning, so that, in saying good-bye, we are actually blessing one another in our daily interactions as well as when we face major life challenges or crises. It only takes a moment to shift the way you say good-bye from a reflex to a conscious practice. Your good-bye and your blessing can become treasured gifts to other people as you part.
Expanding the Realm of the Possible…
Our world is bounded by our imagination. Helen Keller once wrote, "Worse than being blind would be to be able to see but not have any vision." When a formerly cherished relationship is marred by unkindness, bitterness, or betrayal, we may assume that healing is beyond our grasp, but this assumption can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you really want to have such a limitation on your vision for your life?
The extraordinary experiences of the people whose stories have been told at their deathbed, demonstrate that healing and wholeness are always possible. Even after years of alienation, of harsh criticism, rejection, or frustration, you can establish – or re-establish – authentic understanding and appreciation of others. Even as people confront death (their own or others), they can reach out to express love, gratitude, and forgiveness. When they do, they consistently
find that they, and everyone involved, are.
Restoring Closeness…
When bad feelings occur in our close relationships, we tend to put off the work required to make things right. We always assume we’ll have another chance…later. That’s understandable, but it’s a mistake. Feeling resentful toward the people we love, or once loved, feeling distant from them, erodes our own happiness.
A brush with death often instills in us a newfound appreciation for the gift of life. Simple pleasures – a cup of tea, sunshine on one’s face, and the voices of our children – feel like miracles. When we’ve had a close call that shakes us up, the anger we’ve felt toward people closest to us no longer seems significant. Ill will dissolves in love, appreciation, and affection, and we recognize the urgency of mending, tending, and celebrating our relationships.
Because accidents and sudden illness do happen, it is never too soon to express forgiveness, to say thank you and I love you to the people who have been an integral or intimate part of our lives, and say good-bye as a blessing. These simple words hold essential wisdom for transforming that which matters most in our lives – our relationships with the people we love.
Working with families and helping them understand these issues are crucial in PalliativeCare. Helping families and staff to understand what is most important and crucial at this time will in the long run prevent needless trips to the hospital.
I worked in long term care for a few years....