He cannot see himself as part of the world. He feels he doesn't belong here.
He is only 16.
Everything that used to make him happy doesn't make him happy anymore.
He has lost hope in everything. He just wants to lay on his bed. He has no energy. He feels heavy.
It is more than just feeling sad.
It goes on forever and everything in his life slowly slips away because he cannot fight off these overwhelming feelings he has.
He locks himself away.
He feels ashamed.
He feels jealous of his friends that don't struggle with mental illness. Living their simple easy lives. As he sits trying to think how to just not feel suicidal anymore.
It affects his personality.
He tries to suppress it
But in doing that it is like disowning a part of who he is.
And as he tries to live through the darkest times embracing the better sides of it and tries to accept this is beast that takes over him is a part of his life he doesn't need to hear "Teenagers being depressed is just a normal thing!".
Some people think it's simple. "Just push him to outdoor activities," they say. But it's not so easy going outside when you feel like you're in chains most days.
"Keep his mind occupied," they say, that will do the trick. When his mind is already busy, racing and whirling so fast he begs for it to stop.
"Just get him medicine it helps people with bipolar" like pills are the answer to everything. When they only subtly ease his pangs.
When he laughs too hard, he mustn't have had his meds.... because he is bipolar.
When he cries, he mustn't have had his meds......because he is bipolar.
He just wants to be him without judgment.
He is bipolar and just wishes he was understood. Communication and connections are what he craves and needs.
He wants to know he isn't alone when feeling all alone is all he has.
He wants to feel accepted.
He wants to belong.
He doesn't want to hurt anymore.
He wants you to try and understand.
If you are interested in reading an older post about my sons journey with the big black dog and bipolar in a previous post https://busy.org/@mumma-monza/fuck-bipolar
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