The biggest lie — Earning money is not easy!
I am buying diapers for My son in the supermarket and hear a mother say to her boy "You've got so many cars already, just last week I bought you one. You have only played with it for a few days and now you want another one. No, I am not buying you another today!" Shall we fully satisfy our children's desire? Many parents believe satisfying their children's desires is a way to spoil them, which is a bad thing. They think it is good to show that they control their money, it helps children learn financial responsibility.
This is a big misunderstanding in family education. The way you feed your children's desire is deciding the future relationship between money and children. Let's take a look at this case, although the mother's words make sense to an adult. However the boy's understanding is "I cannot have this, I desire too much. It is bad to have too much desire, I should be ashamed." The mother's words judge the boy's desire by saying another toy car is not reasonable and unreasonable desires do not get satisfied.
The mother is not being honest! An honest mother would say "OK baby, I hear you. You want another toy. This is your desire, which is good. However I don’t want to spend money on this toy as I need the money for something else". This is honesty!
Feeding a child's desire depends on parents' financial ability and will. If we have sufficient money and would like to buy, then satisfy our child's desire happily. If we don't have the money or don’t want to buy, then be honest. Do not make a good excuse, it will make your child feel lack and guilty. Parents never need to be perfect, there's no such thing but must be honest. Your children will understand they are not getting the toy is our problem, not their problem that they do not deserve it. Your children will keep their desire and through their own effort, strive to get it.
How come so many people have difficulties between desire and reality after growing up? Because their parents planted the seeds into their minds by disrespecting and judging their desires. These seeds effectively will limit their children's minds in realizing their potential future. Your daughter asks to buy this dress, but you may say "Wait for your birthday, Christmas or achieve 100% on your exam next week“. Your son asks for a candy, but you say "After dinner and if you eat your veggies or after finishing your homework". We have all experienced similar scenarios. The desired item is right there, but we must wait for it! Parents create a "must wait for" mentality in their children unconsciously and ultimately becoming their faith. "All good things, come to those that wait". We will grow up believing our desires cannot be obtained easily. This seed will be planted deep inside of our unconsciousness which is creating our daily reality. When it is time for our salary, our boss will tell us to wait… Our friends will tell us to wait longer before returning whatever they have borrowed from us.
We educate our children "You can't have best of both, you need to sacrifice the one to get the other" and their unconsciousness will make it a reality. They will never enjoy flowing riches after striking a balance in life. We allow them only to have one thing at a time. After growing up and faced with multiple good opportunities, their unconsciousness will mess it up and leave them with only one choice in the end. Some parents prefer spend money only on the things they think are good and meaningful, and ignore their children's desire... What good is a stupid sticker? Even it only costs 1 cent, the parents may refuse to buy because it is not useful.
Wake up parents! Stop telling your children "Earning money is not easy! You need to control your desires! Your father is working so hard to support our family!" Instead, please tell them "You deserve a beautiful, fulfilling and wealthy life!" Tell them how you build your work career with satisfaction and pride. Stop making your children feel short and lacking materialistically.
"Today, we go shopping and I would like to spend only $10 for you. This is my issue, it is not that you only deserve $10." or "Your desire of this toy is good. But I prefer not to buy this one for you." Your child needs to understand his desire has no problem, he will find other ways to fulfilling his desire. Perhaps sell some of his old toys or other ways of making sufficient money to buy the new toy, or hold the desire inside and study hard to become successful and be able to fulfill the desire. It helps to build a bridge between desire and reality, they learn to make their desires become reality in a healthy way. On contrary when desires are denied, they will think they are wrong, having desire is wrong, and stop finding ways to satisfy themselves. The energy flow will be stuck, it becomes a faith hiding deep inside the unconscious and they will repress their desires, because it is shamed. With this mode of growing up, when faced with a situation such as promotion, salary increase. Their unconscious will jump out "You shouldn't ask so much OR Your desire will not be fed!" Under the control of this restrictive faith, they give up their will or feel nobody is willing to satisfy becoming a frustration leading towards a disappointing result.
Many parents worry they will spoil their child, through satisfying their desires, however there is no harm in doing that. If you satisfy your child's desires but show no control, it would reflect that the parents give insufficient unconditional love and freedom in their daily life. Some parents like to interfere in their child's choices, their child wants this, but the parent will say it is not good and to choose another. Give the freedom of choice to your children, they will learn to pick the best through their own experiences. They will learn to select the most desired, and rid themselves of other temptations. This is a process of building a child's willpower and the best way is taking your child to the shops once a week, giving them the freedom of choice. After a while you will see results and they will not desire everything they see or feel jealous of other kid's toys or food. They will feel very confident their toys are the best choices. If you tell them to choose two from the bunch, because we have only $10 to spend. They will decide their two best picks without hesitation. If your child wants two pieces of chocolate, but you give ten. Then each of the eight other pieces will say "I love you!". Don’t worry, your child won't finish all at once, instead show self-control. There will never be real self-control before there is real freedom.
——JovenBotter