Hello my fellow steem community members, the post I'm about to type out for you all is something I never thought in a million years I'd be typing. So with that said I was a US Army service member for 8 years and after deploying on both combat related operations and peace keeping missions I got in to the routine of coming home afterwards hugging kids saying Hi, going to the gym and drifting off into my own world, at this point in my life I didn't really pay attention to the Real important things although I thought I did... Key word thought I did. I always thought I was focusing on my kids and my family but truth is I wasn't I was focusing on fighting and taking orders and thats what my primary focus was on. In 2012 my wife left she said she would be back in a few days and was going to visit her family and she wanted me to keep the kids since I had the weekend off, and she had said she needed a "much needed break" which I could respect she was always with the kids and by what I could tell was maintaining the house... about 2 days later or so a few friends of ours had emailed me saying things like " Hey, I heard what happened I'm sorry if you need anything let us know",or "Hey I hope you all are okay, I just heard the news I can't believe it" a few next door neighbors came by offering to help me figure out the school bus routine, and things of that nature.. at first I thought maybe everything was a misunderstanding , so I begun to call my wife and the number was dead and then I found a letter labelled with my name on it at first I missed it by mistake with all this sudden attention I was already confused and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do being a soldier was a pain in the ass but now being a Dad and a soldier was going to be damn near impossible and thats when it actually hit me during the letter, the thoughts of being a dad and soldier at the same time.. what hit me was I wasn't being a Father at ALL, infact I wasn't being a Dad one damn bit I was like an upgraded room mate or something, the letter was clear she was gone and I could handle our 4 children and see what her world was like. So I sat down with the two oldest and explained to them what was going on the best I could and honestly I saw no real emotion I asked them how they felt and they said the same. What the hell does that mean? Their mother just rolled out? Their Dad was a soldier and it was just us.. So I asked them just that what do you mean? Explain what that means so the oldest begun to tell me just that, she was very clear infact I didn't know she could advocate for herself the way she did. She said Dad we are always in our room and mom is always on the phone on the couch and right before you are suppose to be home she hurry s around the house and picks up a few things puts dishes in the dish washer and re washes whatever laundry is in the washer to make it look like she just put it in, and when you walk in she acts like shes been busy all day and the neighbor women that came over all knew it hence why they never really spoke much to her. I was shocked I knew now I had to figure somethings out, first starting with how to make things right if my wife could do this and be this way and it was known by my kids then they needed to see that life wasn't suppose to be this way.
After taking a weeks leave to get things straight it dawned on me during that week I had to give my kids something important and I did
I wrote them all out a check and it said in the amount box UP TO THE AMOUNT OF MY LIFE IF THATS WHATS NEEDED and I signed it with THE SAME MAN WHO WAS STANDING THERE WHEN YOU WERE BORN, and I promised myself I'd accept death before leaving them high and dry as I did with out realization before hand. A day or so later my second oldest compalined of mouth pain, I looked at her teeth and they didn't look good and then I looked at all of them and analyzed their teeth, they all needed to go see a dentist ASAP, I asked them the last time they went to the doctor and the dentist, " Ideally things a Dad should know" they all told me it had been a LONG time and the dentist also confirmed this as did the doctor.. I was livid these kids were left hanging when I'd come home sure I'd complain about things I had to deal with but these kids had been dealing with Sooooooooo much more with out even realizing it. a few weeks had passed and I had gotten called into a meeting my commander told me he didn't feel I could do both jobs given my position in the company so I was offered some light duty stuff and given time to either A. Find someone to send my kids to, B. Consider leaving the service even though I was in an explosion that literally tore my face up and the military still had a LONGGGG way to go to repair what they could, C. try for a different job in the service and hope I didn't get deployment orders forcing me to still send the kids away to someone else they hadn't seen in many years all of these options being presented I had 30 days to figure it out during that 30 days I was released on to leave and the first day of leave I asked the kids what was wrong they all looked sad and I wasn't sure what was wrong, and thats just it nothing was wrong its how they generally appeared all the time, the HELL with that..! I took them some where new each day the day before we would altogether plan out our next day adventure, we planned out things together, and then my oldest suggested instead of take out all the time we all make dinner together and then the 2nd oldest asked if we could all make a deal to eat breakfast together since we were all early morning people anyway so we begun these new things, honestly the 30 days Flew by it may sound corny but I had a really good time with them my kids were pretty cool after I got to know them, funny, full of life that I had no clue about we all worked together to conqour detnist appointments since they were scared of the dentist well day 31 swung around all the kids were at day care and school and the commander and this time all of the companys leadership was present and they had asked me what i wanted to do.. and I asked for a moment I walked out to the hall made a call and I had asked my mother if she would be up for the task she said yes., and I thought now the kids will have a woman to show them things, I'll be back to doing what I'm good at and then this feeling hit me my head hurt, I was shaking, dry mouth, I thought I was catching a cold.. then I started crying I thought about them going right back to where they were and how they'd be lonely again. I could not do that hell no i gave these kids a check and I meant it, the Army didn't care about me I was useful because I was a firm believer in the motto "NEVER QUIT" and people knew it I mean hell I got blowed up and kept on fighting while most were frozen for crying out loud.. but thats it I don't quit and by doing this I would be quitting.. I walked in rendered respect the chain of command thought they knew what I was going to do, but they didn't I then said " Sir, I'd like to be released I served 7 years never said a peep and never asked fo rmuch but the tools I needed to complete the tasks.. they all looked disgusted with me but they gave me the forms and thats it after everything was done I had 30 daqys until it was time to go that meant no more
But it did mean more of this
When we all got home that day I told them it was time to go start fresh my procedures needed to be done but I would figure it out and when I told them we were leaving the service the phone rang, I answered it and it was my wife asking if we could talk about 3 plus month had already went by and this was the first call the kids saw my face and by now knew me and knew if something was wrong but they could tell it was her... she begun explaining her actions and asked if I'd send her money to come back to us.. I declined and told her I needed time, she acted understanding but I could hear the voice she had me made realize she could hear the difference in me she wanted to speak with the kids I allowed it but the older ones declined and then I asked them to do it, so they did she said a lot of love you stuff to them, but they didn't say it back my oldest infact said leave us alone were a family and you lied to us Daddy never didn't like us or call us bad and he never told you to put us in our rooms all the time, this was something never mentioned at all to me, I tilted my head took the phone and said very clearly excuse me.... her response was silence. I hung up. The kids and I did our night time family meeting we kind of created with out trying and I cleared that air real quick by telling them all I ever did was ask about them and ask to speak with them but was told they were sleeping, and they told me they knew I never said it.. Impressive they are VERY ATTENTION TO DETAIL ORIENTED.. I was happy, they were happy and I felt it was time to tell my wife to get help and maybe down the road we'd reconsider and she said help wasn't needed, so I agreed it wasn't but until it happened we were going to stay a one DAD/MOM family and nothing more. I wont go in to the details of divorce, custody court, courts against Dads but I will tell you this much for all you mothers and fathers out there being a good parent isn't done by being our kids best friend, giving into them, giving them the world, its done by giving them the tools they needed, the time they need, protecting them, having their back come hell or high water it took me some time to figure this out but now I know.. I commend anyone and everyone who has been through this struggle its not easy, I'm not all just for fathers rights I'm for parents rights if you've stuck a long all the way up to this point thank you I hope you enjoyed life isn't easy but it can be leveled out. I wish the best to you all have a good one.
The pictures in my post are from the following sources:
Soldier standing: Quora.com | Fathers images: Pinterest.com