As an excited first time mum, patiently waiting on the day to come when my baby would be with us, we were happy and thankful for my dad who got us a cot for our baby to be. My dad sanded it back and put some fresh varnish on it so it looked like new. He bought us a new mattress, sheets etc. A beautiful cot for a beautiful baby is what he said.
We setup the nursery with the cot, change table, nursing chair and made it lovely and cosy, awaiting our baby's arrival.
This is the cot dad got for us
Finally the day came when my girl entered into the world and eventually we were able to bring her home, to her own room and this beautiful cot. It had special meaning to me because my dad passed away shortly before she was born so it was nice to have her in the cot that he had spent hours preparing for her.
It became clear that my girl was not a good sleeper. I was incredibly lucky to get 2 hours of sleep from her in one stretch. One hour was her usual sleep length. I was becoming severely sleep deprived. As a new mum, I was expecting to have sleepless nights, but not to the extent that I was experiencing. The lack of sleep was making me disoriented. When she would wake up in the night I would stumble out of bed and I would walk straight into the wall. I would get lost trying to get out of our bedroom and into her room across the hallway. A few times my partner would wake up and I would be behind the bedroom door trying to find my way out of the bedroom. By the time I would get to her she would be worked up and upset and would take longer to settle down.
Due to the lack of sleep I would be breaking down in tears all the time. That is not like me. Little stupid things would make me cry. One day I dropped my breakfast on the floor and it spilled everywhere. Big deal, just pick it up. Well to me at the time it was the worst thing ever. I was in tears far too often and my partner and I were getting into stupid arguments over nothing. It was awful and something had to change.
My baby would sleep for hours when she was on me. I found this out when we would both fall asleep while she was nursing. I would wake up hours after I went into her room to feed her. This was happening too often and every time I would wake up with a fright so scared that I had dropped her. Luckily I hadn't and she was happily asleep in my lap.
I started looking into options about how I could get her to sleep with us, but safely. I knew about co-sleeping but all the information I had on it was how dangerous it was and how we would end up suffocating or squashing our baby. So to me that was not an option for us. I didn't want to kill her in my sleep.
My search for a safe way to sleep was futile. There was no information about how to safely co-sleep with a baby or infant. I tried our local well child nurse, but I got an earful from her about the dangers and how our baby had to be sleeping in her cot, by herself, on her back. Nothing else. If I did anything other than that I was increasing the risk of SIDS. The nurse also recommended sleep training. That was never an option for me.
I felt trapped by a non sleeping baby and a system that was so rigid I couldn't even have a useful discussion without feeling belittled. I was desperate.
When my girl was 3 months old I gave up with listening to the nurse and decided to do what felt right to me. I asked my partner to move her cot in beside my side of the bed. My intention was to have her sleep beside me in her cot and when she woke up I could feed her and put her back to sleep, without having to leave our bedroom.
I quickly realised how much better she slept when she was beside me in our bed when one night I decided to let her sleep beside me after feeding her instead of putting her back in her cot. It was bliss. We both had the best sleep. After a couple of nights of letting her sleep beside me after she had fed, I soon realised how in tune I am with her. When she stirs or moves I am aware of it. I knew there was no way I would squash her. We also follow safe co-sleeping guidelines and there's no chance she would get suffocated either.
Those first few nights were over 5 months ago now and I never regret my decision to bring her to my bed.
Last night my girl slept for 13 hours. 13 hours!! She stirred and fed during the night so I'm waking to feed her, but she doesn't wake and she never cries anymore. She's happy and content. I'm happy because I'm getting more sleep and it feels so right to me.
It's the right decision for our family and I am so happy that I tried it.
It has highlighted to me just how regimented that our healthcare professionals are here. They wouldn't help me when I went to them with issues related to sleep. I feel that safe co-sleeping should be an option out there for people to explore. Maybe they should have a checklist for people on how to safely co-sleep with an infant if they don't have any of the risk factors. But, this may be something I raise with them in the future.
I had to find out how to co-sleep via the Internet. During my searches I found out that co-sleeping/bed sharing is natural for many cultures. It is considered mean to put a new baby in a bed in a different room. When I think about it now I wished that I had just tried it from the beginning. I had always hated having her apart from me and I now know that she's a much happier baby because she just wants to be with me too.
I'm cherishing every night I get to have her cuddles. I know that it will be too soon before she wants to be in her own room and I will always remember this time with her with very fond memories.
Images: www.pexels.com