It has taken a year to write this post.
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve started, drafted, and deleted about four different types of breastfeeding post. Why? Because I had struggles. I had trouble. I felt shame in having to ask for help sometimes.
If I couldn’t handle my third little nursling, who was I to tell people about breastfeeding?
But God’s plans are revealed in his time. 365 days after having my third bundle of joy, I am finally confident and able to talk openly about my struggles, in hopes that you’ll find yourself here, too. We are not alone in our breastfeeding journey, Mamas! And I was able to really understand that during a morning mother’s church group meeting, where a chance meeting helped me to aspire to the Lactivist I always thought I could be. My goal was to try and reach one year with Miss Maggie, and I’ve met it, and kept going! But it’s been so hard.
Breastfeeding is difficult. There are Mamas out there that cannot do it, and there are Mamas out there that have to stop short of their goals.
Instead of putting on another layer of guilt, I want to lift up every Mama that has tried. Because whether you’ve nursed for one day, or one year, you did the very best that you could.
I have learned that, even if you feel like an old pro, you’ll be humbled real fast by a clogged duct. Ow. Show that electric toothbrush it’s not a one-trick pony!
Breastfeeding is exhausting. There will always be that nagging voice, where you doubt yourself and everything you do. At 3 a.m., you’ll stare at your clock and your crying baby, and wonder if it’s worth it. It is. Every single drop you can give is worth it. Even if you’re getting kicked, pinched, and bitten while you do it.
You will question yourself when you try to pump. Is it enough? Is this right? Why can’t I make much milk? I have learned hand expression and pumping sometimes fails us. And there is NO shame in supplementing. And if you have an oversupply? There is NO shame in freezing and donating. I’ve ended up doing both with Miss Maggie; starting off with too much, then slowly stopped responding to the pump altogether.
Now, I just have a lazy boob (And we all know about the lazy boob) with a slow leak, and a chapped overworking boob. (I’ve resigned myself to messy nursing tanks crammed under my normal shirts at this point)
Yet, I still nurse her, on demand. It’s natural, it’s familiar, and it’s easier than washing bottles during nap time. And I want other Mamas to feel comfortable adjusting, just like I did, to make nursing go as smoothly as possible. Why? Because feeding your child is something beautiful, whether at the breast or pumped in a bottle, and it’s something we should be proud of, instead of hide.
What would you say was your biggest hurdle was during your breastfeeding journey? Did you make a goal? What is one piece of advice you could give your younger self, or a new mother starting her journey?