I was flat out abused as a child. I do not mean getting spanked, or yelled at. My dad, beat me with the buckle end of the belt, put out cigarettes on my arms and back, and when I got bigger graduated to punching and kicking. My dad was abused when he was child and to him that is just what you did to discipline a child. Of course, breathing too loudly in the same room as him constituted being unruly. The cycle of abuse is the hardest thing to break. I now have a son who is strong-willed and I've popped him on the butt once. After everything cooled down, I apologized to him, and he apologized to me for yelling and not doing what he was told. We have since then worked together to get things done. He gets a little lippy at times, but now all it takes is a look to get him back on track. It's tough, but slog through it, and keep communication with them going. Them learning how to negotiate like adults, will help them better than a paddling.