“How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” — Summaries: EP1

I am starting a new blog series guys…

I am going to be summarizing a book a day into 5 minute point-form read. I realize some books might be beefier than others.

The book I am starting with is a parenting book and is called: “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” (Revised 1999) By: Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. And here it is, summarized in just a point form list:

1. Always first understand how the kid is feeling by listening. And address their feeling, not the fact that they are yelling. They need to understand that you are listening and understanding them first.

2. Also show your own feelings to them so they can react to that. Don’t just punish them blindly. The most important thing is that they know and understand the reasons why things happen.

3. Always explain cause and effect giving examples of how what they do affects the outcome, and how the same rules apply to you.

4. Don’t punish at all. Instead need to understand the reasons why something is wrong — over and over.

5. Don’t do too many things for them. Build self-reliance skills instead. For example: don’t tie their shoelaces for them. Lack of self reliance leads to feelings of helplessness and worthlessness for the kid over time.

6. Let them make their own choices. Let the child choose when the homework has to be done. But it still has to be done. So the question becomes now: not IF, but WHEN, and HOW.

7. Encourage them to ask Friends and Teachers to get multiple points of view, not just yours.

8. Let them explore as much as possible. They deserve a chance to figure things out by themselves, even if it’s at times clunky and frustrating.

9. Give praise when appropriate, to build their self esteem. Praise should be aimed at what they did, not who they are. (Actionable. Cause and Effect). “Good job, you studied hard for this”. not “You are so smart”.

10. Never put labels such as “Lazy” or “Bossy” on the child or on yourself. (Becomes hard to drop these labels later). Kids might end up adapting to their labels such as a “Slow Learner”. Also don’t put labels on yourself as a “Bad Parent”.