We live in a world where everything is presented to us on a silver-platter. Or at least, we expect it to be. Why wouldn't we? We have other people who do our duties for us and with ever-more-capable machines and artificial intelligence, we pretty much have an app that takes care of all the things we need to do so that we don't have to.
And with so much free time on our hands, you would think we'd use it wisely, to play with our children and educate them. But we don't dare to, because we're afraid. We've been made to think we're not capable to teach our own children.
You can't teach maths to your own off-spring, you need a certified teacher to do that. And how could you teach him the great classics when you don't have an English Lit degree?
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It might sound funny, to think parents are afraid to educate their own children, but it is often the case. Sure, you can teach them in the first few years of their lives, you can be trusted with basic tasks, but not the important things they teach in schools. Because if you could do it yourself, then we wouldn't need schools anymore, would we? And that's not good for anybody.
But this is all a lie, a veil over your eyes. You are perfectly capable of teaching your child and you know why? Because children are programmed to seek out knowledge. As the psychologist and homeschool-advocate Peter Gray points out,
Sadly, in many cases, the assumption that children are incompetent, irresponsible, and in need of constant direction and supervision becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It is natural for a child to learn things. As a toddler he learns to walk and talk by imitation, by watching others and that is self-directed. Don't you think it's a bit arrogant that in later years, he may need a third party to tell him what he should and shouldn't learn? Because I do.
No two children are the same and you can't trust a system that treats them as such to know what is best for them. You-the-parent probably know by now what your kid likes and dislikes, whether he'd prefer to kick the ball about in the park or to read indoors. They're different skills and they deserve the same amount of respect. Because kicking the ball about might result into a great sportsman or at the very least, into an adult who leads a healthy life, who exercises. And besides, sports teach children leadership and also teamwork, and thus, they are very valuable for a growing child.
On the other hand, reading helps develop the imagination, it fills the child's head with stories, growing his vocabulary and making him think outside the box. They're both great, yet some kids prefer one over the other.
And you know which it is. Same with school subjects, you can see whether the kid is better with words than with numbers. Well then, why not let them follow their passions? Why not let them concentrate on whichever they prefer? Or perhaps your child doesn't prefer either, but he has an excellent artistic eye. Maybe she brings you little things made out of paper all the time. Perhaps that's where her talent lies, but if you judge all children by the same parameters, some children will feel like failures. Because they can't all be good at the same things, so why should you, as a parent, encourage a flawed system in which only some kids win?
I know what comes next. You're asking 'so what can I do?' and it's an excellent question. What can you do?
1. Support goes a long way
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When your child comes to you with something they've made, it's a huge deal for them, even if it may not be for you. Sure, the kid's probably brought you hundreds of drawings by now, and maybe you're a bit bored. Don't be. Do your best to be supportive and to encourage them. Because if they draw so much, chances are there's something there. Passion.
Same with a poem they've written. Maybe it's bad, maybe it doesn't rhyme. But that poem might be a very young JRR Tolkien taking his first steps – do you really want to knock that on the head?
One of the worst things you can do, as a parent, is laugh or down-play your child's achievements. If the child sees you're not that impressed or you find it a bit silly, then they'll get it into their heads that they are bad at drawing or writing or whatever it is.
You might think it's a useless endeavor – why should you encourage drawing? It's just a kid's sketch, after all. It doesn't mean anything. But again, that sketch might turn into a Dali someday. As it happens, Dali's parents encouraged him in his childhood. And I don't know if that pushed him so far, but it sure didn't hurt.
2. Freedom goes even further
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It's great to support your child, but you should try to make sure you're supporting them in what they want to do rather than what you want them to do. Parents usually have their child's best interest at heart and yet, often end up imposing things (sometimes even whole unwanted career paths) on their kids.
And returning to that Gray quote, if you do that, your child will become weak and dependent on you. If you teach them to work their whole life to please you and make you proud, they will grow up with a skewed sense of self-worth, always judging themselves by your opinion of them.
And I'm sure that's not what we're going for, is it?
No. The goal is to get children interested in their own future, to get them to educate themselves. But in order to do that, they must first be able to find their passions and sometimes, those passions might go against yours. Maybe you want the kid to be an engineer, but she only wants to dance. Then let her dance. You don't have to, of course, and she could well become an engineer, as per your wish. But then, she will spend her whole life on a career path she does not really want and all the goals she will achieve will be to make you happy, instead of her. And that's sad.
A child needs the freedom that comes with knowing Mommy or Daddy won't be angry if I tell them I like dancing or painting or whatever else.
So, what do you do?
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So far, we've established two seemingly contradictory things – that you are capable of educating your child, but also that the child is capable of educating himself. Now, how do we do both things at the same time? How can you be in charge while the child is also in charge?
While kids need freedom and support in finding their interests, they also need help. It's all good and fine if they find what appeals to them, but they will need your physical support and more importantly, your emotional support in pursuing that interest.
And before any of that can happen, they will need you to expose them to life – to show them as many subjects as you can, give them a varied view of life.
A child might have the greatest brain for chess ever, but if that child never plays chess, it's useless. Teach him how to play chess. Or how to swim. Or how to plant trees. Really, who knows what will appeal to your child? You can literally broaden his horizons, something that schools don't really try to do.
You can show him the world, try things, take him to different classes, to museums, libraries, theaters. It's kinda like throwing things at a wall – eventually something will stick.
Anyone know why when I search 'child running' Unsplash assumes I'm looking for attractive blonde women? One of life's mysteries, I suppose...
Cheers for reading,
