In the nature of living beings, by divine design, both human and in the animal kingdom, with the exception of a few, is inherent the instinct of loving, caring, feeding, and protecting the offspring. This parenting instinct is what moves us to sacrifice for the welfare and prosperity of our children; This instinct keeps us awake watching over our child's crib, or at their bedside, or at the side of the hospital bed when an illness strikes and threatens to snatch them away from us.
It is that maternal and / or paternal instinct that keeps us sleepless at night when numbers do not close and we need to go out in search of more sources of income to ensure that there will be bread in our children's mouths, that they will have a roof over their heads, and that they will have access to better education, and toys for Christmas, or that we'll simply be able to offer them a better living conditions than the one our parents could not afford to give us when we were kids.
So, we start from the premise that every parent loves their children, that they make sacrifices for their offpring, and this by divine design of the Creator. This instinct of protection is what has ensured the non-extinction of the human race, and by extension that of the animal kingdom. The raising of children requires sacrifice and an infinite patience as the life of a mother or a father stops to belong exclusively to them, to start to spread in the lives of those whom they brought to be inserted into their own lives and in their homes with all the privileges and responsibilities that act implies. With their presence in our home children not only bring happiness and a new meaning to our lives, but also a bag full of challenges to be conquered. With each child that God gives us, a new and different adventure begins!
However, there is among these well-meaning parents a pernicious tendency that is harmful in the long run for the children. These parents may have the eagerness to do things well, but confuse and misapply certain principles of parenthood, and become toxic parents.
Toxic parents sincerely believe that the style of parenting is the best, without realizing that in the long run they only cause conflicts, resentments and permanent scars in the character and in their children's lives.
The intent here is not to criticize, or embarrass, much less humiliate parents who identify that they have traits of toxic parenting. As imperfect and fallible parents we can change, adapt, improve, and make negative practices and trends into positive weapons that will result in great benefits in our children's lives and in our relationship with them.
In this series I will develop one by one 10 characteristics of toxic parenting that we must identify and put an end to.
1- MANIPULATING PARENTS
A position of authority exercised in manipulation is one of the most dangerous combinations in the experience of human relationships. This is how dictators have been created! Raising children by manipulating them is one of the most terrible things. Parents' tendency to manipulate seems subtle and innocent at first, but over time it becomes an obsessive and absorbing habit. Manipulating parents extend their tentacles over their children's lives and try to control every aspect of it. In English the term "guilt trip" is used when a person tries to manipulate another through guilt. This type of father embarks his children in a continuous "guilt trip". They make their children feel guilty to ensure control over their emotions, and therefore over their behavior, so as to achieve their submission, so that the child will end up doing exactly according to the design and desire of their parents.
There are many conscious or unconscious ways in which a toxic parent can emotionally blackmail their children, from the threat that they will be in Santa's naughty list when they are still a little gullible child, or when they grow up to be a teenager and they are told that they will be thrown out of the house if they are not aligned to the likes of choice of music, dressing, friendships or choice of dating of the parents, or even when, already made young adults and ready to fly on their own in life and have even decided the career they want to embrace, they have to sadly change course because their parents threaten that they will withdraw their economic support because "that is not what we have "dreamt" for our children.
The worst manipulation of all is perhaps the one in which a toxic father or mother menace their children with the threat that they will withdraw their love from them. Children are motivated and gratified by knowing that their parents love them, that they are loved. The perception of lack of love from their parents, or lack of love of the people they consider important in their lives makes them feel vulnerable and insecure. Parents who torment their children by telling them that they will no longer love them or that no one will love them the way they are as a way of manipulating their feelings or achieving a desired change, they certainly do not realize the tremendous emotional damage thay they are causing to their children, in the short term and in the long run!
https://mejorconsalud.com/10-caracteristicas-de-los-padres-toxicos/