Mom, do not yell at me anymore. I do not like. I feel scared when you do it. When you're screaming at me, I stop hearing what you're saying, I become deaf and I only see your face with anger. It does not work.
Mom, if you yell at me often, I'll soon stop hearing the screams. Soon they will stop scaring me. If I do not do what you cry out to me, what are you going to do, mom? Are you going to shout at me even louder?
Mom, you end up with my self-esteem if you scream at me, make me feel guilty, will it be that I do everything wrong ?, I do not see you happy ... I forget the good time we just spent together if we end the day screaming. It is disastrous for me. When you slam the door and leave my room, I'll play with my dolls and if they do not obey me, I'll scream at them too.
Mom, despite your screams, I love you very much, you know, do not you? You are the best mother in the world. And as they say that this love is unconditional, I will always be by your side. And how they also say that we are what you parents are, when I have children I will also shout at them, because that is what you have taught me.
Mom, the screams make you lose control , as you lose it.
Tell me one thing, Mom: If your boss shouted things at you or just raised your voice alone or in company? How would you feel? Think about it for a moment.
I'll tell you: You would feel very bad, rage and frustration would invade you, you would want to shout at him or even hit him, although you would not do it because he is superior to you, maybe you pay him with the rest of your colleagues or with your friends; you would do what he has asked you to do but in a bad way, without optimism, without any illusion. And above you would believe that if he screamed at you it's because you're not good enough and your self-esteem would crash ... Right? Well, all that and much more is what I feel if you scream at me. Much more because you are my mom, and mother there is only one. They say, right?
I am going to make an effort because I understand everything you're saying and you're right. You have to help me, okay?
We are going to make a pact . I will assume that you are still a child and we repeat things to children many times. Yes it is. You are children and part of your own nature. I do not know a single couple that says things to their children first and they do it without question. I understand.
I will use all the resources that are within my reach (and not yours because you are a girl) to control me.
If you see that I am getting angry and I disappear a few minutes, leave me. I need that little time to STOP, BREATH DEEP, AND COUNT UP TO 10 .
A pediatrician friend and also has a blog, she told me that when her children took her to the limit, she would lock herself in the bathroom for 5 minutes, put on high music and when she calmed down, she would leave renewed. Her children looked at her astonished. At first they, a boy and a girl, banged on the door for Mom to come out. Now you know that if Mom puts the music to the limit and closes in the bathroom is that they have been fatal and it's time to stop. I will do the same.
My resources are many, and I can not limit yours to those that are few or nonexistent. And besides, do you know, daughter? That every time we get to not finish a screaming discussion , you will learn with me . We will discover together that there are other ways.
I will ask for your forgiveness if I have crossed the limit. You will too.
My friend, a pediatrician, also tells me that when they are again on the edge of the precipice, she knelt down to her height and said: "We started from scratch?" They almost always responded with a hug or a smile ... sometimes they even cried excited.
You are children and you need us to give you that bridge, that way, that hand to get out of the cyclone in which you sometimes get and drag us.
Now, my friend says that it is her children who from time to time if she is very angry say to her: "Mom, we started from scratch?" - and my friend smiles ... can not help it. He loves you so much.
You're right about my boss. How nice it feels to be called by your boss and tell you how well you have done the job and how proud you are! Although that daughter, you will learn it, it passes very few times. I am not a boss, I am your mother who is much better and because of that, I will applaud all your achievements, I will strengthen your positive points , you will see how happy I am when you do things right. That will encourage you to continue doing them because we will both be happy.
I will listen to everything you have to say to me, I will let you talk and I will try to put myself in your place. That is called empathy.
If I had a bad day at work, I made the firm intention to leave the problems The best of our lives 3in the trunk of the car ! And I will do it! And I will repeat it every day before entering the house. As I will repeat again and again that I must set an example and that you will be and you are already, what I am.
