It's been three months of being a full time dad now.
At first it was something I couldn't believe that I was doing again. I've been with single moms before, and it really didn't stop me from being in a relationship with them. Because deep down inside,
I wanted to be part of a warm family
And if the blood and destiny of being born from parents who rather live by sacrificing their freedom and moaning about how they couldn't live the lives they wanted because they had kids, this was all I wished the universe would give me. A family that I could practice being in process and in love with.
I know I'm not her biological father.
But I'm always going to be real with her and encourage her to be fearless and kind to others. I am not just a guardian, I am a super hero and narrator who brings my own imagination to life and inspires her to do the same.
My mind is finally at a point where love isn't a chemical reaction that makes my life thrilling.
Love is something you build out of care and attention.
It isn't instantly gratifying like the Taco Tuesday escort on Bell Ave. It isn't exciting at all times like free falling out of an airplane from 6000 meters. And it certainly isn't fun like Hollywood likes to has us imagine it is all the time.
It is a push and pull situation like trying to walk normally at the mall and she's decided to use your arms as monkey bars so she can hang instead of walk.
It is many things I wish I could be doing instead but I'm here and she's having a blast so that makes my heart happy.
The best part of all of this is, she hugs me every night we sleep. When she wakes up and starts another day, she remembers our short but frequent lessons. I always felt like I was just molding her into a person with my own examples. But sometimes after reflecting how much she means to me, I'm beginning to feel like she's molding me as well. I think I'm becoming decent and I can actually practice love with all the people around me every day. She makes my world go round and I can't wait to take her around the world with me.
Thank you for tuning in <3
