Your sensible 12 year-old disappeared and their judgment seemed to regress?
Here's why and some light at the end of the tunnel.
Photo by James Baldwin on Unsplash
During babyhood your child went through a great brain growth spurt & then did some pruning to consolidate what was learned and make her brain more efficient. You were expecting it because she was growing right?
But did you know she just went through another great growth spurt in the pre-frontal part of the brain between 11 and 12 years? [The 'second thoughts' part of the brain.]
At 12, he was pretty smart and started making really good decisions. He could have told you how to run your life, had the moral compass of Buddha and you could trust him to turn the lights off sometimes [in favour of the polar bears environment].
Now, that's all gone out the window. She's pruning her frontal cortex and to some extent it is off line and she's using a more primitive section of the brain for judgment. In the long run this will be a good thing, but right now she's gonna probably love fast rides and find you boring and overly cautious.
The prefrontal cortex sits just behind the forehead. It is particularly interesting to scientists because it acts as the CEO of the brain, controlling planning, working memory, organization, and modulating mood. As the prefrontal cortex matures, teenagers can reason better, develop more control over impulses and make judgments better.
Pruning of this section explains a whole lot about why your kid is more disorganised and moody.
https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/work/adolescent.html
Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash
Harness the pruning time. Give him more adventures so he doesn't go out and find his own!
Also, a great book that can help you deal with your teen is Parent Teen Breakthrough.
He's more likely to listen to you if he thinks you are cooperative and an ally than someone who is trying to slow him down and stop him. The most important thing you can nurture is cooperation and connection. That's how you are going to have the most influence over keeping him safe and the most opportunity to add to his thinking processes with some good prefrontal cortex judgment.
If your teen is struggling badly with moods, depression, impulsivity or anxiety you can get help from a homeopath. We can help to balance these mental emotional states. If you want to find out more about my work with teens see.