“And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested…” Zechariah 13:9, English Standard Version, Holy Bible.
Is that too dramatic a verse to reference when speaking about the terrible twos? No. No, it’s not.
I used to doubt the terrible two stories. How could such a small human be as obstinate as reported? How often can a two year old truly say ‘no,’ in one day? I’m here to answer those two questions – it’s possible and it’s a lot.
I can hear you veteran parents LOL’ing at my expense. It’s okay. I deserve it.
I thought I was a good person and a pretty alright parent until mid-November 2017 when Shalom reached two years and two months old. That’s when the ‘Terrific Twos’ began in earnest. That’s when my character started being tested in ways I didn’t think possible.
Shalom is currently 2-1/2 years old and she’s wonderfully willful and independent. And I’m not being sarcastic in that last statement – it is absolutely awesome seeing her develop her personality. Derek and I have committed to teaching Shalom how to be a kind and loving member of society while also maintaining her assertive, strong-willed and decisive side.
The problem is that I fail at this goal probably daily when I hear ‘no’ for the 1000th time at the simplest task or when she throws a tantrum at the mere mention of bath time which she liked just the day before or when she stares at me directly in the eye as she willfully disobeys. I lose my patience and speak more harshly than I would like or give her the ‘cross parent stare’ more often than needed. I thought I was a patient person who is slow to anger. Ummm, not so much. I have not lost my temper towards Shalom but I have wanted to and it surprising how often and how quickly these feelings arise. There are lot of deep breath, walking away and handing-it-over to Derek moments. It’s not pretty.
This week, as I thought about ways to alter her behavior, I realized that this stage is more about me than her. This stage is refining me.
Shalom is just 2-1/2 learning how she fits into this world and I can only imagine how she feels trying to control these feelings. There are many times that I see her wrestle with whether she’s going to listen. So, she’s doing exactly what she’s scheduled to do at this age. It’s up to me to alter my behavior so that I can help guide her through this time...and all the others to come.
Our job as parents is to figure out how to deal with this stage and all the ones to follow with the same grace, love and mercy that our Heavenly Father shows us. I’m so thankful that He does not leave me to navigate parenting alone because that would be a disaster LOL And He was even gracious enough to provide me with a loving spouse with whom I share this parenting journey 😊
I am so thankful for our funny, creative, strong, intelligent, silly, resourceful Shalom. I shower her with kisses, hugs and cuddles as much as possible. She makes every day an adventure and I consider myself incredibly honored to be her parent. Both Derek and I do. I wake up every day praying that I preserve her spirit and show her respect. Each day, I see a change in myself becoming more patient, more resourceful and more compassionate. Not perfect but better.
How fun for us that we get to go through it all over again with Zara 😉 I know she’ll challenge us in new and creative ways.
How have you navigated the ‘Terrific Twos’ stage? What changes, for the better, have you noticed in your character?
Kareen