Hello, my Steemit friends! I haven't been quite as active since receiving the news that my Little Man will be becoming part of my forever family. Summer really began for us last Tuesday, and we have been enjoying each precious day before I have to go back to work on Monday. Things have been moving forward at a fast pace for both of my littles: adoption attorneys, adoption workers, paperwork. The list seems a little endless, and I do all of it with a happy heart. Of course, we still have the appeal process to get through; however, we move forward to prepare in hope.
A question I am constantly bombarded with by family and friends is: Are you going to change their names? It is something that I wouldn't allow myself to think of or plan for until we got to this point, not wanting to have soaring hopes dashed to pieces by the rocks that loomed below us. Now that the time has come, it is both an exciting and weighty responsibility to choose their forever names. Neither name is awful; both are unique. The Little Man has two first names, and people often shorten it to only the first of the two. This shortened version does not fit him at all, and I have grown used to using the two names together. Baby Girl's name is quite unique, but has a very special meaning. She was given her maternal grandfather's name in a feminine version. However, nobody can seem to pronounce it, and I have a hard time imagining her as a 30- or 40-year old using her name in a professional setting. She would have to go through her whole life correcting others on the pronunciation of her name. While unique seems to be the trend (there is a "Rizzo" in her class...that's quite unique!), I don't want her to dislike her name later in life due to its unusual characteristics. So what's an adoptive mother to do?
Everyone seems to have their own opinions. My parents and older sister want me to keep the names of both of them; my younger sister says to change both. Even good old William Shakespeare seemed to have an opinion on name changes:
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
--William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
Would it, Bill? Would it? Or perhaps, a different interpretation of Shakespeare's work from one of my all-time favorite book/movie series of my childhood:
I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.
--L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Would we buy a dozen of these if they were called skunk cabbages??
My current thoughts on the name-game are these...for now...until I change my mind again. The Little Man will be three very soon. He identifies by his name. He introduces himself to everyone he meets and tells them his name. If you are talking about him near him and use his name, he yells out, "That's me!" This sweet boy has been through so much. While he is the happiest I have ever seen him these last two weeks, he has also lost so much that he doesn't quite understand yet. For me to take his identity from him on top of that seems unforgivable. I like the second part of his first name, and it could fit him very well. I may try calling him that as a nickname and seeing how he reacts. If he doesn't like it, I won't push it. When he's older, he can choose to go by the full two names, one or the other of his first names, or even just initials. It has been suggested to me by his therapist that it will be important for me to change his middle name--to give him something special and with lots of meaning--to help him feel like a member of the tribe. While I do think his middle name is very nice, and is one of the names of a very dear friend, I think giving him a family name would integrate him into his new forever family. On my dad's side, the name Joseph has been the middle name of the first-born son's first-born son for several generations. My brother was the first to break that tradition, so it was not carried on in my family. This particular great-great-grandfather was a rebel and married a lady that was adopted herself from the orphan train, and he was disowned because of his union with her. If THAT doesn't integrate him into the family, what will? So Joseph is currently the top contender, with my dad's name being the second consideration.
As for Baby Girl, her name is adorable...for a baby. If I could reconcile myself to imagining a fully-grown version of her name, I might be able to embrace it fully. I did have a chance to spend a great deal of time with Baby Girl's biological mother throughout the course of her hospitalization and numerous medical appointments. Her biological mother always spoke so warmly of her grandfather; you could tell the grandfather was a key figure in her bio mom's life. My Baby Girl will never know who her father is, so by keeping her name, I could help her have a sense of some lineage. One day, I would be able to tell her, "You had a grandfather who was a great man. He ran marathons, and you were named after him." (That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of him!) However, I think every lady dreams of being able to name a daughter and probably has a list of names picked out before they even graduate high school. I do have a name that I have loved for a long time. She will be given this name as her integration into the family. What I can't decide is if it will be her first or middle name, with the other being her grandfather's name.
Weigh in, my Steemit friends! I'm sure that I will waver on these decisions until the day comes where we hopefully make it legally official. Names are etched in stone, create a sense of power, and embody one's persona. Maybe I am completely overthinking this; and regardless of what is chosen in the end, we will all share the same last name, and that is where our family legacy will begin at last.
(Photos courtesy of pixabay.com. GIF courtesy of giphy.com)