Living with a child who is a fussy eater is quite a challenge for parents. Daily meals become skirmishes, and eating out becomes a problem, because it only tried and tested places are possible. Those few that serve chips. You try, you scheme, you innovate - and your fussy eater keeps being fussy. They won't eat and that's it. And so the question: How to make such a fussy eater eat?
The principle is simple: Never force a fussy eater to eat!
I'm totally serious, and it is not any liberal, pseudo-intellectual gibberish. You have to realise that being a fussy eater is not a foible. Usually it’s a psychosensory disorder, in this case characterised by excessive sensitivity to food-related stimuli. A fussy eater doesn't eat not because they dislike something. A fussy eater feels repulsed by the food and it’s a real - although resulting from the disorder - feeling. You look at a delicious pork chop, and the fussy eater feels sick. It's like if someone served you rotting carrion. "Go on, eat! I worked so hard making dinner! "
It's also worth remembering that being a fussy eater rarely threatens the life or health of the child. And one usually grows out of fussy eating. I was a fussy eater myself and I felt like throwing up at the sight of those pork chops. Everything changed for me when I was about 14-15 years old and entered puberty. I suddenly became omnivorous. Today, for example, I’ve had steak, cooked rare, for dinner. And I scoffed this piece of bloody beef sirloin with great relish.
The fussy eating child has some safe foods or products and will not starve. However, you should definitely remember to never substitute sweets for food. Sweets should be rationed and must be out of reach of the child. The point is that (aside even from the fact that sweets are unhealthy) sweets are really filling and a kid’s stomach is tiny and it doesn't take much to fill it up.
I have experience being a fussy eater, and being a parent of a fussy eater. You must realise that a fussy eating child feels terrible because of their disorder (because they know something's wrong with them), they feel alienated, and they feel they are a problem. Therefore, my job as a parent is to ensure the child has a sense of security in this very difficult for them area. I don’t force and I don't pressurise. I say: if you want to try, try, if not, then it's also ok. Sometimes, even if rarely, he tries. If not, I don't push the issue, but if he tries, I clearly show that he did a good job and that I know how much it cost him, and that I'm simply proud of him. We high five, and that's it. I also say: the worst that can happen is you won’t like it, so give it a go, you can spit it out. And again, sometimes, if rarely, he tries. Before family events I say "eat what you want, no one can force you, I will watch".
Grandparents tend to show love via four helpings of meat and seven bowls of soup. We firmly say "no" to that.
We have a lot of fun playing in the kitchen. We play which means we make food, but of course there is no obligation to eat it. I share interesting trivia about food, we watch different things online. We experiment (but without pressure) with things that are on the menu. Sometimes he digs something and we have a new thing. Sometimes he doesn't dig and it's not an issue.
So: to sum it up: How can you make a fussy eater eat? The same way I can make you eat rotting carrion - or not at all. Remember this example.
- don't force
- don't pressurise
- control (strictly) the amount of sweets
- encourage
- don't show your disappointment
- create a safe atmosphere
- don't stigmatise
- love
And that's about it, although I know it's just a quick summary. But it should be enough to help you understand the problem and give some tips on what to do and how to explore this topic.
Regards,
ex-fussy-eater and a dad to a fussy eater - Zuch
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