20 questions to ask before a first date
Finally, a new Tinder match! You’ve been texting for a few days and considering a first date. Their profile is well written, they’ve got nice eyes, and you share the same passion for Indian food and bike rides. Too good to be true? Before you go on that first date, it’s a good idea to know what’s in store by asking them these 20 questions. Word to the wise: to avoid scaring them away, intersperse these questions throughout your texts—don’t send them a survey in a Word document!
Are you single?
It might seem obvious, but how many times have you heard this line: “I’m with someone, but we have a very open relationship!”
How long have you been single?
What you’re looking to find out is if they’ve been single for a while or if you’re dealing with someone who bounces from relationship to relationship without taking the time to emotionally recover from a breakup.
Where do you live and with whom?
In other words: do you live with your parents? No joke—nobody wants to go out with someone who lives with their parents at age 35 or someone with six roommates. Goodbye, intimacy!
Do you smoke?
Life is so much better when you’re on the same page about this subject! Trying to convince a smoker to stop smoking for someone else’s benefit, especially a new partner? You’re not likely to succeed.
What do you think about cannabis legalization?
An answer like, “What? Cannabis is legal?” can tell you in a few seconds that the person doesn’t pay attention to the news and/or that they never partake. But if the answer is “That’s great! I just became BFFs with the clerk at the dispensary near my house,” you’re dealing with a regular user.
Would you be a good candidate for Big Brother? If so, why?
Generally, people who appear on Big Brother aren’t introverts, shy, or modest. They like drama, challenges, and attention. If walking in the woods, reading, and meditation are more your speed, they may not be your type!
Do you get along with your parents and family?
Your strongest bonds are with your family members. When you become an adult, the choice to solidify those bonds or to break them is your prerogative, but you’ll want to know what choice they made and why. Do you really want to deal with the in-laws fighting at Christmas?
Do you think climate change is real or not?
You won’t be having a good time if one of you accuses the other of being a conspiracy theorist and thinks it would be great if there wasn’t any snow in winter anymore.
Is religion important to you?
It’s a pretty serious and personal subject, but the answer to this question is important to help you understand the other person’s values, beliefs, and life philosophy. There isn’t a right or wrong answer. Someone of strong faith can certainly be with an atheist—the important thing is to respect each other.
Would you suggest that a homeless person “get a job?”
This question might seem a bit harsh to people who have empathy, but it will let you know if the person on the other side of the screen does too.
Are weekends a time to relax or go out and have fun?
Some people enjoy being couch potatoes on the weekend; others get up at five in the morning to scramble up a mountain. If you recharge your batteries by reading in bed, you might not be happy with super-active weekends.
Do you like Mondays?
In other words: do you like your job? Everybody’s had a job they hate at one time or another, and that’s fine. But when you ruin your Sunday afternoons by stressing over the next morning (thereby ruining everyone else’s day), it’s time to make a change!
Have you ever been in a serious relationship?
If, at 22, you haven’t had a serious relationship, it’s not a big deal. But by 30, it might seem like you’re afraid of commitment. If that’s the situation for the person you’re texting, perhaps an explanation is in order.
What do you think about homosexuality?
It’s pretty important to be open-minded. It’s 2018—you may want to steer clear of those who don’t think homosexuality is normal.
Do you believe in marriage?
Here’s another scary question to ask before a first date, but the goal is simply to understand if the person who’s interested in you believes in long-term relationships and commitment. If the person answers, “No, my parents are divorced,” ask them if they still think it’s possible for a relationship to last a lifetime.
Do you think Donald Trump is doing a good job as president of the United States?
This is a quick and easy way to know if your crush has the same political opinions as you on issues such as gun control, abortion, gay marriage, and immigration.
What’s your dream vacation?
Ask them what their dream vacation would be, if money and time were no object, and who they would take with them. The answer will tell you a lot about their personality (outdoor adventurer, R and R enthusiast, culture vulture) and give you a window into who the important people are in their life.
What were you like as a kid? What did you want to be? Did you succeed?
“I was a shy little boy and I wanted to be a marine biologist.” “I was an outgoing little girl and I wanted to be a TV host.” Our childhood hopes and dreams say a lot about the adult we’ve become! And if we’ve succeeded, it proves that we can persevere!
Who inspires you and why?
Their mother, Barack Obama, Kim Kardashian, their first-grade teacher—whose values do they share? Whose life do they think they’d like to have?
Do you have plans for the future or do you let things come as they may?
By asking this question, you’ll know right away if there’s a place for you in their life, if you see yourself fitting into their plans, and if their ideas mesh with yours. If so, go for it! It’s a match and enjoy your first date!
