I just received my professional registration and for those who knew me personally, that is a big deal. This is supposed to be the story of my journey on getting to where I am now but while I was making this post, I realized that I needed to sort out some issues too.
Starting line
I do not really know where the inspiration of working here started .But, I kid you not when I tell you that the initial application in itself is brutal. I need to meet a certain number of years of experience, a certain score in English Language test and many other trivial things. In the end, I kept wondering if I should stop writing and focus on this.
The assessments were difficult and, everything else followed the "leader."
The Fight
I have been in a lot of circumstances which were so difficult to understand. I have been with people who seems not to understand and tend to judge me based on their values and beliefs. There are times when I wanted to give up because I do not know what to write on my assessments. The sleepless nights I have to go through because I need to meet the deadlines.
I even considered and partly stopped writing because I failed some of my subjects and needed to redo my assessments. In fact, a lot of people advised me to stop writing.
What really got me through is Dwayne. Not that he could really do a lot then because, we are both fighting our own wars. But he took the time off to teach me these: never give up, engage at your own terms, do not let them get into your head. I do not know how this wonderful man find the strength to motivate me but it worked. It really worked.
In the end, he ended up promising me to hang around until I'm done. The problem was that, it took me so long to complete my registration that he was not really able to wait around for me. It hurt me so much thinking of this.
Winning
It is often easy to talk about one's victory or win. In fact, most of the people I met and even I enjoy talking about is winning and being proven right. But here, I am going to be blatantly honest. I thought I was fighting a loosing battle.
But what kept me up was Dwayne's advise: fight at your own terms , at your time and at a place of your choice. That's something that I did. I am not going to hide from anyone that in a way, this is a very emotional post for me because, I get to explore those early weeks when my friend is not there for me anymore. I feel that I was not even able to properly grieve. I was so busy fulfilling all the requirements in my course that everything else got pushed away.
I did not feel that I won over the fight or, I have conquered my fears. For me, being proven right all the time, being a beneficiary of an apology or simply, doing great things that others cannot do is not enough. Winning for me meant being at peace with yourself. If your heart is not condemning you, then, you are blameless and therefore, a winner.
Learning to stand alone
In the end, I discovered that he asked someone to look after me. I initially burst into tears when I first learned about it. It made me feel safer. Even if that person is like, a world away from me, the thought that someone is looking out for me gave me a sense of security.
I know that this is supposed to be a narrative of my journey on how I was able to get my registration. But at this point, everything else is water under the bridge.Its not easy. Its very hard. But I am looking forward not back. I am grateful for all the people who advocated for me. I need to accept that not all of them will continue their journey with me. When I realized this, I learned how to stand alone and be comfortable with my own skin.
Today, when I thought of printing my registration certificate, I cannot help but think that wherever I am today, I did not get here on my own. I donated my hair for cancer patients a few months ago because I felt that that was the best way I could honor my friend's memory. But now, I realized that when I write, when I take care of my clients, when I stand alone, and most especially when I marvel on who and what I am today, I am honoring his memory and all my friends especially in our community.
Its really tough to be a plankton. But, its even harder to do that while completing my course. If I am going to be given another chance to change anything in my journey, I won't change anything. I believe that my journey led me to where I am- a better, wiser person.It's not the course. It's not the registration. It's me and the people behind me that made this experience an extraordinary one.
