From time to time, I raise my diaries, in which I once wrote down interesting cases from life, recommendations, advice, lessons learned from the work of fellow psychologists. At one of the meetings of the teachers' council I acted as a psychologist.
We raised one question: "Is it necessary to punish a teenager?". I remember, then we worked out a mechanism for avoiding punishment, and the conclusions were related to the fact that excessive use of punishments, especially unjust ones, blocks the natural style of the child's individuality. Today I want to talk about this with my parents.
If the teenager is punished all the time, his further development is carried out on the basis of compensation. Adolescents or schoolchildren in the middle classes often have a hyper-need in what is constantly infringed upon.
If a teenager gets little parental warmth, then in adulthood will look for someone who will give this warmth, love, praise and encourage. Having become adults, we, sometimes quite childishly, are afraid of losing something that brings us pleasure, even if it is something that will be of little significance.
Having become adults, we are afraid to express joy, to feel satisfaction with life only because, it seems to us, someone can take advantage of this.
If we now analyze the different ways of punishment that were passed down from generation to generation, then the following will be remembered: before children were put in a corner more often, they did not talk to them, they used corporal punishment. And now some parents restrict the freedom of the child and deprive him of his favorite pursuits.
In the age of information technology, parents can deprive the child of a favorite gadget. Most recently, my mother came with a complaint that her son, a pupil of 11, a graduating class, categorically refuses to study and prepare for exams. He always sits and plays computer games. Mom responded - disconnected the Internet and banned his son from accessing the Internet using a telephone.
The next day the boy started such nervous stress that he had to call an ambulance. As we see, this method of punishment brought only moral satisfaction of the child to reality and caused a nervous breakdown.
Another mother used as a method of punishment constant reproaches to her son at friends and acquaintances, attacked him with screaming and cursing. Someone deprived a first-grade boy's dessert for the fact that he could not learn to write sticks in a notebook exactly. These and other penalties in the future have a negative impact on the nature of the child. But try other styles of parenting.
Try to pay as little attention to what is really insignificant.
Talk to the teenager. Tell him about the importance of learning.
Play together in outdoor games, go in for sports. Let him understand that beyond the door of the room the world is much better, more interesting and then you will have a friendly relationship with your child.
The author of the post is Nina Vasilievna, @ no4ka
Photo with license SS0
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