Frustration and anger must mean I still feel. Silence is the game when I "feel", a stone cold facade that must be maintained until all energy dissipates. It takes a lot of effort to go silent. It takes a lot of effort to admit defeat. It takes a lot of energy to just breathe and not break something.
Did you think I would list Limp Bizkit Break Stuff but I listened to it and it really has not aged well. I do prefer this song much more it has good drums, guitar and the voice is perfectly gritty. The pace is perfect because although you may be calm on the outside inside a person is livid.
I really like the main phrase: "I hate you for who you are." ; I like it because that is how I would like to think I mean it when I say I don't like someone. I don't have much of a grey area when it comes to that. When I feel I dislike someone then I hate them to the core. I do not care whether I have never met them or grew up with them. Once it is triggered then that is just how it is.
Now there are certain ethical dilemmas I face in such situations such as if it is any one of my customers I still need to help them, if I get a valid request for help then I would in most cases help also. This does not mean I can't still absolutely despise you? Hate does not mean I have to stab you in the eye like I wish someone would do so I can watch you suffer. Please be quiet though as I have no patience for whiney screams.
Whiney screams or tones are ever present in my daily life and requests for assistance at work, for example, is exactly that. The way someone positions themselves when they stand, the pause before saying anything. The expectation that they have to be asked if they need anything. Seconds that feel like minutes and when they get on a roll with not being able to communicate what magical thing they need help with then minutes feel like hours.
This is not just at work, this is in many situations even online. Ever get that stupid "Hi," in discord or dm and the thing does not just say what they want immediately? It has been pointed out to me that "Hi," is a valid way of starting but then you should also continue.
I feel a bit more chill now.
Just because I am more chill or friendlier does not mean that won't change. My patience is basically the only thing that increases, I do have a surprising amount of patience though and can tolerate a lot from the imbeciles I encounter. Many times they are only imbeciles in the seconds before they speak. Contradictory I would think. Not really though, since it is new information right and once you have new information you change your perception.
Or some shit like that.
Things that bug me almost as much as people but which I have far less patience for is software and tech in general if it does not do what I expect then after a few tries to confirm that it is not just me using it wrong or some factor beyond the scope of the problem then I lose it. There is a splash radius and there sure as hell is no one safe then. If it is people you need to internalize but with - objects (for the sake of simplicity) - this is not required.
Unleashing all hell on it is recommended, too bad most objects are sensitive little human rights activist as mostly to not cost you too much this hell is in the form of verbal abuse with a 1 inch punch that never truly delivers but sure as hell has the potential to.
It would seem like I am going in a roundabout from silence to unleashing hell but context is important and in all contexts, the silent phase is myself just walking the line. One of those contexts is anger at myself for not being able to get something done how I wish, be this in combination with people or objects but there is always my part.
Which part of me should I drown because the part that seems to be the most despicable is the part that protects me from everything else?
This stupid writing just tired me out now I am just gonna be a quiet little pissy boy.