Have you ever felt like the universe was in a playful mood and you were on the ass-end of a practical joke? It must have been my turn to pick the short straw because I cannot help but laugh at how bad my day really could have turned out.
It started off like any other Sunday...
On the Sunday following payday, I do the grocery shopping then head to the laundromat.
Because we only have one car, I had to drop Pat off at work before I could get my chores done.
Shopping's done. Groceries are portioned out and put away. Time to load the car and spend a few hours at the laundromat... But first, I'm going to swing by the storage unit to see if anyone's in the office because I have to get caught up on that bill.
It's gated and there's a pin pad. No problemo. The gate opens and I go in, swinging by my unit to make sure it's unmolested. I pull up to the office and no one's there. sigh
This is where it gets interesting
So I pull up to the gate again and push the 4-digit code , then quickly hop back into my car waiting for the gate to open.
It's not opening.
Hmm... I get out of my car and hit the code again.
NOTHING.
Maybe I put in the wrong code?
I try again.
Again... NOTHING.
image source
Now let's add some lightning off in the distance and some ground-shaking thunder.
I look up at the sky and she decided not to pour on me...for now.
I try the pin pad again.
NOTHING.
Oh wait... I can't call anyone because my phone is on the charger... at home.
merddaferkka! Are you KIDDING me?!?
Now I'm eyeballing the gate...with the barbed wire across the top. It's been a few decades since I've climbed fences. This is gonna suck. I walk to the gate and check for signs that it's not electrified. No? Okay, good. So I start to shake the damned thing like a caged gorilla.
image source
That's when I start laughing.
Not the panicked, maniacal kind of laugh. No. I'm laughing because this is when I realize the universe is screwing with me and it's time to queue in the part when my brain plays out a bunch of scenarios and conversations in my head.
- NEWS FLASH: Woman found dead at the storage unit facility. Naw, too dramatic.
- Crap, I might have to sleep here overnight. That's gonna suck.
- Oh crap, Pat's gonna be pissed when I don't pick him up at work!
- He's gonna want to kill me, then he's going to be worried sick.
- Where are the cops when you need one?
- Why didn't I bring my cellphone?
- Yeah, sure! My fatbody can climb that fence. Let's do it!
- You're wearing flip-flops dumbass.
- This is so stupid!
- Oooh, let's wave down random strangers as they pass! Maybe someone will stop?
At this point I shut off the car. I had no idea how long I was going to be stuck there. No point wasting gas, right?
So there I was, standing at the gate waving madly at passersby. When no one was around I tried to key pad again.
NOTHING.
Then I had the bright idea to find a security camera and do some wild waving and my version of sign language.
Point to self.
Point to gate.
Pretend I'm punching numbers on my hand.
Swipe fingers across my throat for dead.
Wave wildly.
Repeat.
STILL NOTHING.
What the hell are security cameras for if no one's watching them???
So I went back to the gate and continued to flag people as they drove by. A few people slowed down to stare. One person smiled and waved back, bless their idiot little heart.
FINALLY, after about 40 minutes, a woman in an SUV full of kids pulls up. She looks tentative as she rolls down her window.
"Is everything all right?"
"The pin pad doesn't work on this side and I'm stuck behind the gate. Would you please put in the code for me?"
She looks like she might bolt.
Oh, please don't bolt. I'm not scary, see?
I'm wearing my tie-died Minions shirt and I'm smiling at you.
Ignore the crazed look in my eyes.
After a moment's hesitation she gets out of the car and I give her the number.
"I almost didn't stop," she tells me. "You never know sometimes..."
"I am so glad that you did! Thank you very much."
Voila! The gate begins to open.
Thank goodness!
I hopped into the car and drove the few feet to cross the threshold to freedom.
Rolling down my window I thank her again and we go our separate ways.
Have I mentioned how much I love Good Samaritans?
At this point I really just wanted to go home. I was free and laundry needed to be done. Maybe - hopefully - the universe will recognize I was a good sport and play her tricks on some other fool.
That would be nice.What would you have done in my situation?
What would you have done in my situation?
My boys' battalion colors and platoon number
 Mighty Mikes |  Easy (Evil) Echo |
|---|---|
 All images are mine unless otherwise noted. Green Guy courtesy of Pixabay CC0 public domain |  |