Sometimes I feel like I don't know how to relate to people on a "normal" level.
For example, I don't gossip. It's not a conscious choice, I just don't. I don't see any reason to tell anyone's business. I don't judge people that do gossip because I understand this is normal social behavior, but its one of those social behaviors that baffles me.
Another issue I have is extreme oversharing. I dislike this trait in other people and yet I do it all the time. If you ask me how the weather is in my neighborhood, I'll answer "The sun is shining, in a strange way that reminds me of the way the sun shone when my brother died, even though that was September and this is June, and the sun shouldn't shine this way in June. So perhaps my brother is sending me a message from beyond the grave." (And you're like "ooookay....?")
Basically what it boils down to is that I like meaningful, weird, quirky friendships where we talk about interesting and sometimes bizarre ideas. I want to sit down with you and talk about our deepest fears and insecurities, not just fluffy stuff about celebrities or shopping.
Now all of that long winded crazy aspie meandering ramblingness is to say, I am super blessed to have an entire handful of people who I relate to on a soul level like that.
C, with whom I can share literally anything without judgement. Once we spent a whole day walking up and down the road collecting roadkill to add to our bone collections. Her wine is the only wine I'll drink, and if you know me, you know how very serious this is. AAA++ would friend again
J, who has never met C, but should, is another person who doesn't judge and is on a higher level than most people. I can say the weirdest damn thing and she's like "Yeah, but no that makes sense actually." 10/10 would friend again
L, who I've never met in person but will someday. I literally talk to this woman every single day, and have for going on two years. If we missed a day talking, cops would be called for a welfare check. Zero judgement from her, ever, unless you're a doctor who perform circumcisions, in which case you deserve all the judgement and then some. five stars would friend again
S, who I have also talked to every single day for nearly two years. We met for the first time at a beautiful prayer camp, and the sacredness of that place, that cause, and that united vision was imprinted on our friendship forever. Rounding out the theme, she is extremely non judgemental and caring. two thumbs up would friend again
I have other beautiful friends, many new friends, and oddly, more than a few old who have come back into my life. My mental illness lies to me all the time, telling me I am useless and that no one likes me. I also feel lonely quite frequently because all of my friends live far away or lead busy lives, and I would like it to be different. I would like my friends to be my neighbors. But truly, I am digitally surrounded by the most beautiful people. I believe I am one of the very lucky few, to have four truly close friends, and a host of other friends who aren't as close (yet.) I will pin this post on my phone to look back on when the depression monster creeps in and tells me I am unlovable and friendless.