Looking back, I think my biggest issue has been FEAR. The fear of having to write down the truth, telling myself and acknowledging the truth. Fear of having to face my fears and once and for all just getting that shit out and down onto paper so I can finally move forward.
So here we go…
Most of you know me as someone who ‘has it all figured out’… well to some degree yes, but you’d be surprise as to just how much ‘I’ve got figured out’ and the journey that it has brought me on to get to here where I am now.
I can’t even begin to describe this journey... it’s been one hell of a ride. But today, finally, I have decided that I will start. I have so much to cover that it’s going to take some time, but for now we’ll just get the short version and over time as I learn to open up and have the ability to write it all down, I promise you will get the truth and the whole truth.
Just like all of you, I’ve had my ups and I’ve had my downs. Interestingly enough I’ve even had days where I had no feelings at all, where I couldn’t laugh, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t feel. it was nothing but numbness. I felt like I didn’t belong like I was just the vessel that something else had taken space in. I felt like a robot just going through life one mundane day at a time.
So, for those of you who know me already, I’ve been very fortunate to have lived a pretty good life. I’ve travelled to some of the most beautiful places in the world, met some of the most amazing people in the world, and learnt an incredible amount about life in general. I always say. if I died tomorrow I’d be happy. Sure, I had some regrets and the old I wish I could ofs…but I wouldn’t change them for a second... because every time I heard that no or that door closed abruptly on me… all it was, was the universe trying to tell me that wasn’t where I was meant to be… Old mate Universe had something bigger and better for me. Which I kind of wish I had known probably like ten years earlier to have saved myself a bit of time, but again, everything happens at the right time and the right place and exactly how it’s meant to go down.
Sometimes we get the same thing happen to us over and over again, and it’s not until we finally realize what we are trying to be taught or told, that we finally wake the fuck up and realize, and finally learn that lesson so we can move right along. Of course, each time I faced a disappointment or a rejection or a big FAT NO…. I’d question myself and wonder what I did wrong? Why did this just happen to me? WTF? Are you serious? Your Firing ME?? I struggled on many occasions to understand why and so I kept going back to the same old shit, getting annoyed by the same old shit and then having the same old shit stop me in my tracks time and time again.
Just recently I had an epiphany about Karma. All those things that were going wrong... for a second, I was like ok what did I do wrong to deserve this? what karma am I getting back? But then it occurred to me, I’m a decent person, I have a good heart, I mean well… yeah I’ve made some poor choices but overall I’m not a bad guy… so It wasn’t Karma ‘getting me back’ at all, it was the universe trying to wake me the F up and listen to it, trying so hard day by day to get me on my higher path, my true course.
March 13th 2018… I remember this day very well. I was again forced to rethink my life but this time it hit me so damn hard in my face that I had to sit up and listen, I had to make a change. I couldn’t go on any longer… this was it. this was the universes final lesson for my old life it was going to throw at me and I had to own it, I had to show up, I had to change.
I took a BIG LONG DEEP BREATHE and I said YES. YES, I will change, YES, I want to change and YES, I am ready to change. I can’t even describe to you the feeling of relief that swept over my body… ‘FINALLY,’ the universe said… FINALLY… she has f*%$en listened!!
That day changed my life forever… Gone are the days of me doing stuff because I think I have to, or because someone expects that of me… NO NO NO… It is my way or the highway now and everything I choose from the moment I wake up is because I chose it and I want to do it. I have the least number of things in my life than I ever have had before but believe me I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I am living the purest life, the most beautiful life, the most content life, the most joyous life and it’s all because I decided enough was enough. I had to finally stand up and be accounted for, I had to finally stand up and show up and what I thought was my path, I finally realized wasn’t at all… I was destined for far bigger and better things that I could have ever dreamt of.
So here I am today…writing this my first ever blog, for my first ever website. Totally about to bare my soul and to open up and be vulnerable, allowing myself to speak my truth and share it all with you, and allowing myself to do what I was put on this earth to do.
Now that I finally put some pen to paper, or fingers to a keyboard for that matter, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. All those expectations, those fears, those thoughts inside my head holding me back… they are all but a memory… I am now free… free to roam, free to live, free to be creative, free to set my soul on fire, free to do what I do best... Be the Teacher, Be the Leader, Be the Lighthouse, Be the LOVE.
Join with me on this journey as you find out about the real me, and I share with you my trials, my tribulations and all the fun times we have ahead.
But for now, I’ll leave you with a little food for thought…
YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR LIFE
If you want it, you must first THINK IT. Once you have thought it, in order to CREATE IT, you must FEEL IT, in order to FEEL IT, you must FEEL IT into existence, you must BELIEVE IT is already yours, OWN IT…
THINK IT, FEEL IT, BELIEVE IT, CREATE IT.
Oh, and Love it. yeah love the shit out of it!!
Until next time…
P xxx