Instinctively i knew may pain wasn't an illness or sickness. And so i decided to learn more about my body and whats going on inside me. Reminding myself of what i forgot i knew and adding new insights.
After several massages my body memory and emotions began to seep out with both my physical and emotional pain growing.....and so I continued to investigate.....
February 8th
Wow..
The more research I do....
The more oh my god moments I have as my body continues to tell me the truth about myself, where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. I just didn't understand the language it was speaking. Most of us are utterly disconnected with our bodies.
Most of us don't even notice our breathing, the essence of who we are. Our first breath shows we begin living in this body. Our last breath that we have left the body. To not realise how essential this relationship between body and breathe is to miss something fundamental about purselves. We only notice our body when it screams at us in pain or changes unexpectedly or stops us entirely. It is always speaking to us. We just don't know how to listen.
NLP training began to teach me about mind body connection and gave me a tadte of quantum entanglent. So incredible. And then Vipassana was my first real teacher in the aspect of breath and healing and experience of the quantum within and oud out of me.
To be able to sit with intense fire pain in my back right shoulder for hours, giving it no attention. It vanished, dissipated, a sankhara, gone. This healed a lot of pain from violence from my father and brother.
So......Stop!!
Find a quiet place
And breathe, In and out through the nose
Natural no trying
Just by feeling the air entering and leaving your nostrils
Allow thoughts to come and go
Just observe and feel and note
It will take sometime for you to notice as you are so far away from yourself but it will come as it is you...
This is the beginning of connecting with the truth of who you actually are. We all know when anxious or angry we breath short and hot, but do we know the impact that has on.our bodies and health cumulatively over years. The yogis did, the buddhists do, the tibetans do and i am sure many other old traditions. In many eastern philosophies there is recognition of the importance of breath for both its ability to cause us illness and to heal us.
Reflecting mirroring and reinforcing the work I've been doing in last couple of years and adding depth to the peices of knowledge acquired from all manner of people and places.
Again feel very tearful. I have looked for a way to heal myself. So i looked into metaphysical meanings to pains in certain parts of body and physiology of part of body....
But now understand and instinctively believe that left hip, groin, lower back is female energy, around the mother (and i know there is work to done there both as one and with one) family and healing, gentleness and nuturing.
The entire psoas area is the only connector of the back and front, left and right.....its an interesting muscle and i think it is a significant connection I've been seeking.
This place can help me balance my overused upper right back, strong, masculine side, with my underdeveloped, weaker feminine side, which when in disturbance can cause alot of emotion....aaaah hence the crying....yak was always saying find the connections in yourself and you will heal yourself.
Continuing to research and learn. Also discovered Interesting stuff around creativity, which im not being and life purpose, which is a bit unclear at the moment. Also Changes in diet and type of exercise I do but that always comes up in my life.
There are so many modalities for healing and I believe many of us (including me) pooh pooh the old traditions, the intangible and indefinable and I am so grateful that somehow or other this knowledge which has been around me for many many years, is now becoming part of my life....and my healing...
Anyway going for another massage today.
These are allowing and helping me to feel the pathways and connections in my body and soften and open up tissues, sinews and netves that have been holding goodness knows what memories and emotions.
I know that these 2 sides of myself can and will balance and that through these changes my relationships with the most important people also improve.
As I type this small tingling tears are at the corner of my eyes and there is a strange flutter feeling around my heart....