Hello everyone. Today, I am going to speak little about some of the disorders that do cause gender-based violence. I am talking about women that are destroyed but we need to touch what is really happening mentally to such men. Keep reading this series and you will get to know more. Men can be attacked too but I am focusing on women which is the highest rate.
We must not put all the violent men in the same bag: some are violent punctually in reaction to an external event, while others make it their daily life. Yet, even if one cannot compare an occasional abuser to a violent psychopath who is violent as soon as he is frustrated and upset, any violence against a woman is INEXCUSABLE. Any act of violence must be taken into consideration because it is important.
Violent individuals are "normal" people and not irresponsible or mentally ill people
It is important to differentiate impulsive violence (the man controls his emotions, his anger badly) from instrumental violence where aggressive conduct is performed coldly only for the purpose of hurting. For simplicity, there is:
On the one hand, all the narcissistic and perverse personalities (impulsive, borderline, psychopathic)
On the other hand rigid personalities (obsessional, paranoid)
Some immature men behave as if their relationship is a transient love affair, expecting instant satisfaction, without investing in solving difficulties other than force and violence.
Narcissistic personalities
While normal narcissism is at the root of our own identity, inspiring our ideals and ambitions, pathological narcissism is a great provider of violence. It leads the subject to become predatory, to encroach on the psychic territory of others, and to use his weaknesses to better enhance himself.
Individuals who have a narcissistic personality need to be admired, they have an obsessive desire for power, intolerant of disapprovals, indifferent to others and capable of exploiting them. In order to stay in power, they spend their time criticizing everything and everyone, admit no questioning and no reproach. When something negative happens to them, they tend to blame others for it.
In the couple, men are dominating and seductive, and seek to subdue and isolate their companions.
Narcissists have the greatest difficulty in talking about their painful effects that they can not imagine and that they prefer to forget. They are prisoners of such an ideal image of themselves that it makes them helpless and paralyzes them. They therefore constantly need to be reassured. Being internally dissatisfied, they react with aggression, urge and violent acting out. A Narcissits is not seeking love, but admiration and attention, so he uses hi partner as he values and throws her out when she ceases to serve the required purpose.
When a narcissistic personality assaults, he inflicts on the other the treatment he himself is most afraid of. Every failure is experienced by the narcissist as a personal attack. Anyone who is too understandable or too critical becomes a potential aggressor and must be destroyed. It is not a crisis of madness, but a deliberate act intended to hurt. A narcissist is too bonding, he needs to encompass the other, to control it, to make her a mirror reflecting only a good image of him.
Antisocial personalities (or psychopaths)
These individuals are described as antisocial or are said to be rather psychopaths. Being unable to conform to social norms, they are often in trouble and are often violent. They present themselves as tough, insensitive to pain, boast of crushing others, of being the strongest. They are cautious about their emotions: at home, tender feelings are signs of weakness. They like to cheat and do not hesitate to lie, cheat and manipulate each other without any second thought.
Because of their persistent irresponsibility, they find it hard to take a life alone. These impulsive men live in the moment, in the immediate satisfaction of their desires. They seek what they want, immediately, by any means, with a desire for obtaining by force. The passage to the aggressive act constitutes in them the only possibility of expression of their inner tension. Above all, their violence is impulsive, linked to a constant irritability, an aggressiveness on the skin.
These men are unable to imagine the pain of a third person, let alone the woman they are abusing. Inaccessible to guilt, they feel no remorse and do not question. They do not learn anything from their past mistakes.
They have no demand for psychotherapy because they consider they are strong and do not need help. If they consult, it is either on a demand or under the pressure of their wife. As they are reluctant to question themselves, therapies rarely bring about a noticeable change.
Borderlines (or limit states)
These are people who are initially diagnosed as neurotic. They present themselves as adolescents prey to constant changes to existence. What dominates them is an almost constant sensation of inner emptiness, irritability, and cold, floating rage. Their emotional responses are intense and unstable, with unpredictable mood swings and high impulsiveness that can lead to aggressive behavior.
They tend to release their tension by destructive acts. Any experience that refers to a dissatisfaction or lack, awakens in them, a desire to destroy the other and the links that bind them. These individuals are unaffected by the frustrations that set off strong and inappropriate rages and anger.
They are very likely, quick to detect disrespect and disapproval in a remark from their partner. As they fear rejection, they take the lead and reject at first.
They have huge hidden emotional demands, but if the partner gets too close, they fear being sucked into addiction and then react violently. Since they have trouble being alone, they prefer the group of friends to the relationship.
Their perception of others alternates between extreme positions:
The other is passionately loved, idealized
Either he had the misfortune to take a little distance and he is violently devalued and rejected
They have a strong uncertainty towards those they are dependent on. They can be charming during the seduction phases, and disturbing and terrifying when they let out their violence.
During the phase of forgiveness of the cycle of violence, these individuals are able to manifest a weakness that might suggest that they are the victims. As they are often in pain, they manage to move the partner who is constantly repairing this fragile being. It is by this attitude that the partner is chosen because at this very moment she regains hope. Through their rapid emotional changes, they induce in their partner intense reactions of compassion or anger, attraction or rejection. These men constantly need to be reassured.
When borderline people undertake psychoanalysis, it is to evoke the hatred they feel towards their mother. In moments of weakness, they can postpone this rage on their companion, identified with a terrifying mother. These people are accessible to therapy but their demands are very uncertain because they are torn between a cruel need for help and the fear of being rejected. At the slightest frustration, they interrupt psychotherapy.
The narcissistic perverts
There are as many women as narcissistic perverse (troublesome) men, but men also enjoy the power of sex, which makes their violence more destructive. These are the people who put their partners under control.
Narcissistic perverts have better emotional control than other types. They are also much more manipulative, very socially adapted because they love power and woo it with all energy. They ask themselves as givers of lessons by not hesitating to arrange with morality to achieve their goals. They must constantly lie, pretend and manipulate. They know how to adopt a correct speech, to better attract, fool their followers or let me say their company.
In everyday life, these immature, egocentric people by natural nature have manipulative behavior, deliberately playing with the emotions of others to get something from them to better exploit them.
Their violence is indirect, hidden, continuous, playing on the emotions with small verbal attacks. The narcissistic perverts are particularly creative in their insults and know how to touch the weak point of the other because they intuitively identify its possible weakness. With them, a discussion is difficult or impossible because they are insensitive to emotions and do not realize the psychological violence they use on their partner. We could even say that they are not concerned.
If the partner talks about her feelings about these attitudes, they answer that they do not know what she is talking about. If the suffering partner insists, aggression will first appear, then bitter remarks and humiliations. They reject you, do not see you, consider you as something, manipulate you like a puppet. The refusal to satisfy the emotional needs of the partner does not correspond at home to a simple lack of love or tenderness, but to a complete lack of interest for the other who does not exist, does not count unless it is useful!
The violence of the narcissistic perverts is absolutely not impulsive but active, directed towards a specific goal. It is not repeated but permanent and we must not expect reconciliation requests or excuses from them. They are calm and cold, always seem to control the situation. Their behavior is not conscious and deliberate, but uncontrollable: they have been forced to act like that because the other has sought it!
Narcissistic perverts are in constant avoidance of depression. The projection of negative feelings on the other makes it possible to release them from effects that are difficult to bear, such as depression or anxiety. This allows them to protect themselves and feel stronger, putting away what hurts them. When this system works well, they feel soothed, which allows them to be of a good company. Hence the surprise, see the denial of some, learning the annoying actions of a relative who had previously shown only its positive side. The testimonies of the victims did not seem credible.
In the perverts, it is the desire that guides the choice of the partner. They do not feed the energy of those who suffer their charm. They most often choose their victims among people who are full of life to gain some of their strength; They can also choose them according to the material advantages that it can bring. The partner does not exist as a person, but as a stooge: he has the qualities that the pervert tries to appropriate. The perverts absorb the positive energy of those around them, feed on them and get rid of their negative energy.
They systematically lend bad intentions to their companions who are only the projection of their own bitterness. Their mistrust borrows almost wild forms. They launch cold cowpeas, threats. They always manage to be right: even if they are caught in the act of lying, the same proofs they support, they deny. They have so little confidence in themselves that they have to constantly confront each other to prove they are the best.
The narcissistic perverts can be passionate about a person, an activity, an idea, but in a very superficial way because they do not know the real feelings, in particular of sadness or mourning. Disappointments lead to anger. This explains the destructive rage and the desire for revenge that seize them during separations. Their violence is expressed insidiously, hidden and becomes manifest only when an external event weakens their narcissism.
These individuals are predators whose dangerousness lies primarily in their ability to destroy the other's ability to think. To maintain themselves, they must deploy their destructiveness and enjoy the suffering of the other. For them, the woman is not a partner, an equal, but a rival that must be crushed because they do not feel up to it.
It's not easy to separate from a narcissistic pervert. We must first get out of the grip in which have got stuck. Then, the difficulty to unmask it comes from the fact that it never attacks directly but that it comes by comments, implied. Another difficulty comes from what he knows how to be appreciated in society. He gives a good image of him and makes sure that the spouse reinforces this good image. He is very strong in showing that he is superior in everything to his partner, and that to compare to him, she is nothing.
During separations, the narcissistic perverts pose as abandoned victims, which gives them the beautiful role. They seduce another partner, a console, who is in turn under his influence. It is rare for narcissistic perverts to come to a homicide, but that does not prevent them from being extremely destructive and from realizing psychic murders: they are predators.
Narcissistic perversion is an absolute bad omen to marital judgment because the judge is likely to be used to further destroy his partner. These personalities are absolutely not accessible to the care and do not have any request of this order. When they yield to the pressure of women or justice, their game is to manipulate the therapist!
Rigid personalities
Obsessive personalities
They are perfectionists. On the social level, they keep to and respectful of conventions and laws. On the personal side, they are difficult to live in: demanding, bullying, selfish, mischievous. They fear emotional outbursts. They consider themselves "serious" and for them, the others are irresponsible and inconsistent. They do not support, in others, any singularity; They need to control, argue, curb any initiative that does not come from them. Their violence is exerted above all by the constraint and in the register of the power. With each report of authority, the obsessions will try to transform it into a test of strength. In a discussion, they only admit their own version and do not hear each other's arguments. They consider at length on the so-called "hatred" of the woman by promising to make him pay. What? Pure illusion ... Their destructiveness is a daily rolling and constant control that exhaust their partner.
Usually cold and not very demonstrative, obsessions can rehash hatred and revenge, then unleash themselves in uncontrolled violence.
They sometimes have requests for therapy, but do not expect a radical change. No therapy will transform an obsessive character, but by causing them to be less stressed and anxious, they will put less pressure on those around them. If they wanted to, these men who knew how to control others could also learn to control themselves and not to slip into violence.
The paranoid personalities
It is a relatively common personality form in violent men. These individuals have in common their rigidity and they fear too close effective with someone. The other is always responsible for everything that is wrong.
These are men who allow themselves little emotional contact. They have a very rigid view of the role of men and women. Of course, the woman must be submissive and that is why they isolate her. With these paranoid personalities, there is never a conversation of equals because they are constantly in a dominant position. They corner the other in their last tactics.
If the partner reacts by getting angry, she is accused of violence; if the partner calmly tries to find solutions she is accused of calculation.
A paranoid never recognize that he was wrong because he does not want his authority to be weakened.
They are tyrants. As long as the woman accepts this lower position there is no problem; if it resists and expresses itself, it triggers violence.
The paranoid tend to attribute to others the defects he refuses to see in him. He suspects hidden and threatening meanings in the comments of others and about trivial events. The slightest misstep of the other is condemned without any pity and the paranoiac is able to deploy a whole series of unstoppable arguments, to demonstrate that this one is in his wrong. He can display a very big bad faith to unmask what he imagines to be the bad intentions of the other. He can take pleasure in lying, deceiving, assaulting but he always considers that it is the others who lie, deceive attack!
He keeps a flattering image of himself, considering himself perfect, while the others are bad!
As these individuals are wary of everyone and even more of their loved ones, they hide their emotions, never trust, fearing that what they consider weaknesses (tender feelings ..) are used against them. This oversized mistrust reinforces their idea that they will be exploited, deceived. They suspect the there are other harsh things against them, they are convinced that their partner conceals these things. They constantly question the loyalty of their spouse and are deeply convinced that it is fake. That's why they are striving to control their wife's time and space. The paranoid violence is hopeless.
Individuals with a paranoid personality are by far the most disturbing. Any attitude they experience as an offense can lead to an inflexible and destructive bitterness. Their rage and jealousy can lead to homicide. The risk of acting out is maximum when the woman is no longer afraid of her companion and decides to stand up to him. He may then have a strong desire to do justice himself.
These men are rarely available for treatment. They have no such request because they are convinced that the whole problem comes from the other and that they are right in doing so. However, they can usefully benefit from antidepressant treatment which, by decreasing their internal tension, can sometimes reduce their feeling of inferiority and consequently, defuse their violence. If they follow a therapy, they keep the psychiatrist very mistrustful.
In Conclusion
people that have personality disorders are dangerous to others especially men, they are dangerous to women in society. Personalities disorders are not something to get rid of in a day, a month or a year. the best solution for you as a woman is to do your finding properly before heading into a relationship with such person because it might be too late to do so after you are involved with such a person. Therapies can somehow do the trick but not in all cases. Be careful and watch before you leap.
To be continued ............
References:
Wikipedia - Violence against women
Mental health problem - personality disorder
Wikipedia - personalty disorders
You can read Destroyed Women. Part One
