It is sad when people do not have control over their emotions and then they burst it out in various ways. Today I had a client meeting, it was with 2 business partners, where one of them has extreme temper issues. Whenever I have a meeting with them, I do not really know how it is going to end, because most of the time it ends up in a very unpleasant manner. Today's meeting also something similar happened.
The person who has the temper issues, has a very complex personality. In general also he believes that every statement made is directed to him and it is an attack on him and then he wants to retaliate over it. It is difficult to have a pleasant conversation with him at any point of time. The problem is deep rooted. He has major issues with his father. His father always made him feel that he was good for nothing. He has developed a severe inferiority complex with this behavior. Over a period of time he has started believing that everyone is doing injustice to him like his father and that the only way to deal with it, is by retaliating.
The meeting was getting tensed up as both of them were trying to put across their point, so I suggested that we should all get from our seats for 2 mins take a short walk, have a glass of water and come back and resume. The whole idea behind it was to shift the energy, and water does help us calm down as well. All the members were ok and agreed to, but this gentleman took it all in the other manner. He assumed that it was a way to cut him off and not listen to him, and he started yelling on that as well.
This is what happen when one does not have control over their temperament. They react to everything and respond without putting a thought or rationalizing what the opposite person is conveying. This is also the difference between listening and hearing. Later on I did had to shout at him and make him understand and then he was ok. I normally do not believe in these type of shouting conversations but then sometimes you need to do that to convey the right message.
Anger issues always have their roots somewhere in the past. Some type of trauma or injustice or different behavior, makes one believe that retaliating is the only way to bring solution to anything. These type of people need help and I always feel very sympathetic for them, because there is a problem at hand that needs to be dealt with. I still continue working for this person, because I do understand why he behaves in this manner. He also reminds me of my own father.
My father also had some similar type of personality, no one would know when he will fume up. It was always a risk talking to him, as a child I was very fearful of saying anything to him, because his reaction was always a mystery. Dealing with him in that age made me a very scared person. I had to do a lot of work on myself to get out of that. It took me years. Today when I look back and reflect on his behavior, I do understand why he was like that But he never got help. Many people thought he was not a good man because of his speech issues. In real I know my father was a gem of a person, but his anger and speech issues messed up everything. He would always be the first person if anyone would need help around. He would go all out of way to do things for others, and the most honest and sincere person I have had in my whole life.
Same is with this gentleman. He has a heart of gold, always there for help and support. At times I tell him that he should not be so nice also to his staff because they take advantage of his kindness. His temper issues messes up his overall image. People think he is one useless guy to talk with and should be avoided.
I try to keep counselling him as much as possible. Life brings all types of experiences but we need to make sure to keep our calm because anger can ruin many things around us. More importantly it impacts our own health, so if not for others we should work on it for our own self. No matter however good you are, but if you have anger issues then people want to avoid you in their life.
It is very wisely said
"Be careful with your Words, Once they are said, They can be only Forgiven, not Forgotten
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