I was just invited to a discord server for community organizers. I joined and started having a nice conversation with the people there. Then someone said something that set me off. It's something I've heard a lot before, and sometimes I can ignore it, but something about the timing or just my mood, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I wasn't extremely rude but the word "cocksucker" was used and that is a word I almost never use. What's my "trigger"? I'm sure 
"Personal Branding" or "Marketing yourself"
Whenever I hear these words I want to punch someone in the teeth. I've been trying to remain authentic my whole life, despite the digital age making it more and more common to "brand yourself". "All business is branding business" according to Tai Lopez and whoever he may have taken that from. In general, yes, most profitable business does depend on branding. So if we are talking about business, OK, I get it. But what about when talking to people who aren't thinking about business every day?
Authenticity has been something I've striven for since I was young. It actually didn't come easy to me at first because I never liked conflict and was rather shy growing up so I kept a lot inside before. As I've gotten older I've learned to speak my mind without so many reservations. It took a long time.
I've actually turned down multiple opportunities for fame and fortune because they would have required me to be something I wasn't or to package what I am into an easily digested product. I will never see myself as a product though.
"Self Branding" is one way to frame the world and it has become part of pop culture, in a way it is almost forced upon us if we want to achieve success. Of course some people achieve success without it but they are constantly misunderstood.
I do not like being forced to use other peoples framing. I do not like culture that is forced upon me. What about the username 
I'm just trying to have fun. I'm just making art. I probably would be very good at branding, I understand it and I think many artists are naturally good at it. But I just don't think in those terms. You may see everything you do as business, but I see everything I do as art. I can't control how you see the world, but I can voice my distaste for something, except in many instances, "self branding" is just so prevalent that to question it seems out of place.
For me to call everything one does in public "self branding" is akin to calling someone a "cocksucker" for every nice deed they do. And so I used the word "cocksucker" to illustrate how vulgar this word feels to me.
Don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing you for branding yourself. I just find it disrespectful when people bring that word near me, the same way you might feel disrespected if I used words like "cocksucker" all the time. It's vulgar to some and not to others, but in general you try to respect others personal culture.
I hope that in the future I am able to separate myself from my feelings and recognize this for what it is, culture shock. We have different cultures, I am not part of the business culture. I don't necessarily need to respect the business culture but I should be able to recognize that it is a cultural difference and not let it fire me up so me. I'm not sorry. I want to change this for me, not for anyone else, because I would like to be as "trigger-less" as possible.
She probably had no idea how very different our culture is, that it's even a matter of culture, or that her concept of "self marketing" is part of her framing. I should be more understanding that it's part of the culture though. If I'm in a country where people burp during a meal to be polite, I don't believe it’s neccesary for me to hold a deep respect for all other culture, but I'm not going to achieve much by telling people how gross it is. In the same way, I'm not sure getting heated over these words is going to achieve much. Or maybe it will, who knows? The whole world seems to conform to this culture and if no one questions it, there will be no one from outside to come and introduce any other ideas. I do hope she there is no bad blood between us now though.
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Confessions of the Damaged - a collection of short stories
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