Flowers symbolize many things. Love, purity, friendship, joy and more, including sympathy. In times of loss, funeral wreaths seem pleasing as gestures to show sympathy. These floral tributes look beautiful, comforting, and symbolic of love and respect. But when someone from the bereaved family openly admits to needing financial assistance because of their loss, I couldn't help asking about the flowers. Whom are they really meant because they vanish along with the dead?
I witnessed a memorial chapel that overflowed with what looked like more than 50 wreaths, all on high stands. All sides of the chapel were jammed with the wreaths. There were more outside along the hallway. All wreaths were shouting the pride of mostly politicians and prominent people with their names on the sashes. I couldn't help thinking of their purpose: The politicians want their names to be seen during the wake because people will not be checking the donors list. I also couldn't help estimating the costs. What a waste of thousands of money. If you are asking, one wreath with stand costs at least more than a thousand pesos.
On another funeral occasion, I was having chitchat with one of the bereaved family members when a delivery guy appeared with a wreath on a stand. My back was to the entrance so I did not notice at first. My chatmate suddenly stopped her storytelling and uttered, "Thank you for the flowers. We need cash," then laughed. I turned and saw the delivery guy approaching.
When the delivery guy passed by us to position the wreath near the casket, my chatmate said "Di ba, practical lang? Maibelleng to met lang dagita sabong." She said that is only practical because the flowers will be thrown away in the end. I totally agree.
While well-intentioned, wreaths will eventually become waste, wilting and discarded soon after the funeral. On the other hand, the grieving family faces not just emotional pain but often financial burdens from medical bills, funeral expenses, and the days to come.
Out of curiosity, who practices putting their names on the donors list with wreath donation? Will you put your name on the donors list like this?
John dela Cruz- a funeral wreath
Or like this?
John dela Cruz - 1,000
I do not remember seeing an entry on all donors list I saw with names of wreath donors. There were only monetary and in-kind donations like sack of rice, set of snacks for the mourners, among others, that were used during the funeral, but never wreath. When the bereaved family reviews the donors list, how would you want to be remembered?
It is time that we rethink tradition. Instead of sending expensive arrangements, a more lasting gesture can be monetary donation, or direct financial support. It may not be as visually grand, but in the long run, it offers real help - a support that lingers even when the flowers are long gone. That real help is, I believe, the main purpose of donating during funeral - not showing off. Let our sympathy not just be seen, but truly felt where it is most needed.