"I lost my father when I was 8, almost nine years old. I have not forgotten his grave and loving voice. They say I look like him. But there is one thing that sets us apart: my father was an optimistic man. " Thus begins the testimony of Rafael Narbona, a man who lost his father very young. A situation that marked him forever and that makes it clear that the worst thing that can happen to a child is that his parents die.
In childhood, children establish a special bond - in most cases positive and unconditional - with their parents. Thanks to them, they have the first contact that will mark their future affective relationships. They are your support, your role model, those people who help you clarify a path that you do not know, since you are new to the game of life. For that reason, that the parents die at very early ages can suppose a very hard blow that will affect them in a very deep way.
Because I? What would have happened if my parents had not died? What would they think of my current life? Would you agree with my decisions? These are unanswerable questions that often accompany those children who have lost their parents all their lives. Too soon.
"It was inconceivable to think that my father could no longer walk with me in the park."
-Rafael Narbonne
The death of the parents leaves an indelible mark: be it as a scar or as a wound
Rafael Narbona is very aware of how hard it was to lose his father at the age of 8 years due to a myocardial infarction. The incomprehension before this unexpected fact took to him to ask the question of "why me?". To look for solitude at break times when, in reality, I should be enjoying with other children at school.
We can think, from the adult point of view, that children forget quickly, however this is not the case for important events. They live with great intensity everything that happens to them and the imprint left by each event will be very difficult to erase. The sadness of that moment, seeing other parents with their children and the rejection of this reality that is so unknown and that causes as much pain as death, can drag on throughout life.
The fact that the parents die will initiate a process of mourning whose stages will last more or less depending on the person and how much this situation marks. Initial anger, anger and denial should be replaced later by sadness and acceptance. In the case of Rafael Narbona, anger and anger took time to disappear and were especially intense during adolescence.
For children it is very difficult to understand that people and living beings end up dying and that means they will never come back.
The rebellion before the authority and not respecting schedules sometimes are not indicative of lack of education, but of a terrible pain that resides inside a person. It is a way of expressing discontent with something that is still causing rejection.
Sadness turned into peaceful nostalgia
Like many children who lose their parents, Narbona went from being in continuous struggle with the world thus manifesting his anger, to become a teacher, journalist and writer as was his father. In his pain he idealized his father, to such an extent that his life took a turn when he decided to follow in his footsteps. However, the sadness was still there and he had to do a healing process in which he managed to see his father as imperfect, but real.
When one of the parents dies, the children cling to that idealized image as they lash out at a world that has taken away who they most wanted. Sometimes they end up following in their footsteps in a very deep desire, not to replace, but to feel that beloved person closer. However, there is still a sadness and a deep grudge against the world that one day snatched that beloved figure.
The family should never disguise the sadness and it would be positive to include the children in the duel.
Children suffer greatly if at an early age they lose one of their parents. Therefore, to allow them to express their feelings, to talk about the subject and how they feel will be important to prevent these emotions from getting stuck inside without acquiring a meaning. In these cases it is most likely that they will come afloat in later stages of their lives with much more strength and anger, when we have a lesser capacity to help them.
We can not avoid what happens, but we can strengthen ourselves with every blow we fit. This will be an opportunity to learn to be resilient, to mature at our own pace and to realize that life is not against us, but that it is as it is: haphazard and capricious in many cases. In the end, thanks to the acceptance, the sadness for that parent will turn into a peaceful nostalgia.
When we are children we do not have family and they take us to government houses.
When we are children we do not have family and they take us to government houses.
The personality of children also presents psychic deviations, which in a significant percentage of them come to have serious characteristics. Thus, 25% are classified in the survey as aggressive, which can reach violent by 20% and spiteful by 15%. It is, according to the report, defense mechanisms against shortcomings and insecurities arising from family abandonment.
As intermediate solutions to mass internees, the creation of small semifamilial homes or so-called substitute families is suggested. With labors. preventive measures in social environments that register higher rates of abandonment - family planning, among others -, as well as the schooling of children outside of boarding schools and the granting of family-grants for cases of simple indigence.
At least in my case, it was preferred to leave me in a home, that with my father's family, since I was uncles, my grandparents also died deceased.
It is very hard, to stay orphaned, it is very hard to face life from a shelter, I think governments should be fairer and more equitable when choosing a child's stay, in my case by death, but thousands of cases that their parents live, then they should promote family unification.
The Special Grace of God for Orphans and Widows
The absence of the father has had devastating effects on our society. It is a subject that burns with passion in my heart. For many years I have had a great burden for those who do not know the love and affection of a father, and so much so, that I have already written two books on the subject.
My heart cries out for healing and justice for a generation of spiritual and natural orphans. I know that these precious souls have a destiny in Christ, and I know that the love of their Father in heaven can set them free.
But one of the things we do not talk about often is the effect on mothers of the lack of a father. Although it is not true in all cases, the overwhelming statistics say that children who live with only one parent in the home are being raised by single mothers. In many communities, this sad reality is the norm, and the number of homes without parents is surprising.
By recognizing the great accomplishments of many single parents, let's be clear-this is not God's design. God never intended the woman to play the role of mother and father. God made the mothers to be life-giving and to feed the children.
But when you are forced to wear several hats at once-the one that comforts, disciplines, provides, advises, and many other things-the result can be exhausting.
God's design is for children to be raised by both mother and father, benefiting from the inherent strengths and gifts that He has given to both genders. But the sad reality is that the statistics of households with single parents are not very different within the Body of Christ as they are in the world. Even though we know the Word of God, we have failed to live by a different standard.
Hope for those who do not have parents and for the Widows
How do we stop the cycle in our homes and communities? Children who grow up without their parents learn that men do not stay with their wives and children. Girls who grow up without parents learn not to expect a faithful and committed husband. And so, the cycle goes on and on. Which is the answer? Where is the hope?
Psalm 68: 5 says, "Father of orphans and defender of widows is God in His holy habitation."
There is an answer for children who do not know the love, provision and protection of a father. There is an answer for the single mother who struggles to do everything by herself. God sees you. He knows you. You are precious in His eyes. He has a plan for you.
Grace abounds
The Scripture says it with great clarity, with dozens and dozens of scriptures proclaiming this message: God has a special place in His heart for orphans and widows. Psalm 146: 9 says that He sustains them. Exodus 22:23 says that He will hear your cry. Proverbs 15:25 says that He will affirm his inheritance. Deuteronomy 10:18 tells us that He will do them justice. There are many scriptures that tell us about the intimate relationship of God with the orphan and the widow.
I do not think it's only for those who have lost a father or husband to a physical death that qualifies orphans and widows. I believe that there is a literal as well as a figurative meaning for these terms. Our society is full of children whose parents are absent from their lives for one reason or another. There are countless women who have been abandoned by their husbands physically, emotionally or spiritually. But God has a special grace for them.
Romans 5:20 states, "... but when sin abounded, grace abounded much more ..." This is good news for a society where the absence of parents abounds. There is a great grace from our Heavenly Father that is available to us! Even though the statistics may seem worse, we can rejoice in the grace to which we can access through the blood of
Christ!
Finding and trusting in the Father
I know first hand the effects of living without a father. My father was in the army, which he used to take. He also struggled with alcohol, so even when he was near, at the same time he was absent. Eventually he and my mother divorced, and I was just looking to fill the void in my life. I took alcohol, I used drugs and I was homeless for a while. But lately it was a path that took me to Him who took care of me like no other-my Heavenly Father.
The advice I have for single mothers and their children is this: Trust in Him. Trust in His Word. Trust in His promises that He will provide, protect, love, heal and restore you. No matter how difficult the path is, you can trust that He will not fail you.
When you trust Jesus and activate your faith in His word, you allow your eyes to be open to things not visible to the natural eye.
You will experience the heart of God for you and your family. And soon you will be able to feel His presence and His provision in your life in practical and tangible ways. Never forget it - if you are an "orphan" or a "widow", God has a special grace and care for you.
Becoming a demonstration of the Father's heart.
God has forced himself to tend and care for the orphan and the widow. Furthermore He has ordained His Church-the Body of Christ-to take this same responsibility. The people of God must be the life, the breath and the movement of the revelation of the Father's heart.
our God. We must reach those who have been abandoned, and be spiritual parents for those who do not have a father, and a resource of support and provision for spiritual widows.
If you know a boy or girl who has lost his father and is struggling with his sense of identity and purpose, or if you know a mother who has lost her husband and only tries to survive and cope, God does not It only suggests that you help them. He demands it! The cycle has not been broken and the statistics have not changed because the Church still does not respond to God's call.
The Lord told Israel that when they went out to gather their harvest, they should leave something behind for the stranger, the widow, and the orphan (Deuteronomy 24:19, 26:12). His heart and His principles have not changed. We should be interested in each other, just as He so generously cares and cares for us.