After a long history of insecurity, I like to believe I love myself now. I've believed that means I am confident, but lately I've noticed situations where I am very clearly insecure. For example, when talking to acquaintances I struggle with social anxiety, feeling like I'm saying all of the wrong things and that the people I converse with hate me for it. I worry a lot about what some people think. It seems like an obvious sign of low confidence.
Additionally, I hold very deep rooted beliefs that I am not pretty and I am not a good singer. In my practice of self-love, I've decided to accept that though I may not be good at it, I love to sing so I am going to do it anyway. I no longer feel a need or pressure to be pretty or talented to love myself just as I am, if that makes sense.
But this week, my friend told me I am a good singer, and another friend said I am pretty. My reaction was to ignore it. I act as if compliments somehow threaten my sense of self -- like if I were to believe I'm a decent singer or an attractive person I might have to learn to love myself all over again.
I don't really have a conclusion to these thoughts; I just want to invite some thoughtful discussion.
Do you think there's a difference between self love and confidence? Is there anything that you would rather believe you're not good at to protect your fear of being wrong?