August 25, 2019. Part 6.
10/27/2004: One morning, very early, General Mulligan displayed his privates to the First Lady; the corporals got to stay in bed.
10/28/2004: Are God and evolution mutually exclusive? I mean, we have this story and this theory, right? Maybe the story started several million years before the theory. That said, I have to inform you that I find the story of creation to be quite charming but impossible.
10/29/2004: George W. Bush: Whatever good he may have accomplished has been more than cancelled out by his ignorant acts of evil.
11/01/2004: Updated Adages: If you can’t say anything nice, at least get your facts straight.
11/03/2004: Let us now observe a moment of silence in honor of the terrible tragedy which has occurred.
11/04/2004: Don’t get confused by what should be and what is.
11/05/2004: George W. Bush: Not again!
11/08/2004: Civilization is a steady process of losing one’s freedom.
11/09/2004: It is a sad day when the truth is not enough.
11/10/2004: Following instructions is certainly one way of doing things.
11/11/2004: You know that you’re taking yourself too seriously when you reject any thought that isn’t in the form of a short, pithy quotation.
11/12/2004: Envy makes of great men children.
11/15/2004: Magic is just a forgotten technology.
11/16/2004: Knowledge is not measured in degrees.
11/17/2004: Home is where the spaghetti is.
11/18/2004: Run, run little child; here comes the future!
11/22/2004: Life teaches patience; so, too, a slow internet connection.
11/23/2004: Why are you searching? Everything is here.
11/24/2004: Sometimes the most you can hope for is parallel agendas.
11/29/2004: I used to be perfect.
11/30/2004: Every night I dream of canned corn.
12/01/2004: Nobility is so easy to write.
12/02/2004: If I knew the future, I would still make human mistakes. [alt.] Knowing the future doesn’t prevent human error.
12/03/2004: If the shoe fits, shine it.
12/06/2004: Success is when you can look anyone in the eye and not have anything to be ashamed of.
12/07/2004: No one is a freak who does not want to be.
12/08/2004: Silence is an art form.
12/09/2004: Nobody wants to go to Hell. You have to wonder why so many of us end up there.
12/10/2004: Nothing ever “just happens.”
12/13/2004: The smart thing is not always the best thing . . . and vice versa.
12/14/2004: There is no such thing as too much pizza.
12/15/2004: Sylvia didn’t want to eat the bug, but it was quite insistent.
12/16/2004: Someone get that man a bottle of Evian.
12/17/2004: The smile of a child is the strongest magic.
12/20/2004: The future always waits.
12/21/2004: The size of our living space is a pretty good indication of how much junk we have.
01/10/2005: Interpretation is a personal choice.
01/11/2005: What are we hiding behind our courteous smiles?
01/12/2005: Remember the Salmon on the Mount.
01/13/2005: Think carefully before accepting any job that requires a tie.
01/14/2005: Black and White are theoretical constructs.
01/17/2005: Personality is a goal.
01/18/2005: I can’t remember, is it “Death is a hot dog without mustard” or “Death to the hot dog without mustard!”?
01/19/2005: No one wants to be an asshole; so why do you suppose they work so hard at it?
01/20/2005: Sanity and exactitude don’t always come in the same package. [from As Told By Lyn, a book I wrote that remains unpublished.]
01/24/2005: I tried Catholicism, but I couldn’t get the choreography down.
01/25/2005: Being trite is not impossible.
01/26/2005: Absolute truth is no more possible than perfection; the human hand will ever mar its pristine surface.
01/27/2005: Aristotle believed that Truth occurs when what is said coincides with what is.
01/28/2005: Sometimes we forget.
01/31/2005: Forgive yourself and then you can forgive others.
02/01/2005: Sally couldn’t get over the feeling that someone was watching her; she would have to do something about the audience in her living room.
02/02/2005: I had an opportunity to learn about responsibility, but I didn’t feel like it.
02/03/2005: On the basis of your résumé, I think we can find something for you in our squirrel-training department.
02/04/2005: Our children know more than we do.
02/07/2005: It is entirely possible that I am an idiot; is there a home test for that?
02/08/2005: Color television dealt the final death blow to the truth.
02/09/2005: Some things just don’t work.
02/10/2005: Irony is lost on women.
02/11/2005: When the rain falls, you get wet.
02/14/2005: When the cost of failure is a child’s well-being, you don’t fail.
02/15/2005: Insanity is no excuse.
02/16/2005: Why is violence so much a part of our world?
02/17/2005: -Where were we when Bush was elected?
-Which one? Which time?
-Take your pick.
02/18/2005: When did the lesser of two evils become a goal?
02/22/2005: The dolphins were right.
02/23/2005: Always be where you want to be.
02/24/2005: Say what you will, I like mimes.
02/25/2005: Of course, you’ll need to get the horse out of the bathtub first.
02/28/2005: If you think about it, cell phones are perfect for the homeless.
03/01/2005: Pardon me, your government is in my eye.
03/02/2005: Seldom heard or seen: the Great Phalange of Stiffy.
03/03/2005: In the future, we will have to password-protect our thoughts.
03/07/2005: Where were you when John Lennon died?
03/08/2005: There is very little balance in control.
03/09/2005: The “Undo” button won’t work on your life.
03/10/2005: What’s the speed limit here?
03/11/2005: Dirty underwear is not a sin, but try telling your Mother that!
03/14/2005: Big Joe wasted an entire day on catching that hummingbird.
03/15/2005: You know what you know; no title, degree, or certificate can add to or subtract from the sum total of your hard-won knowledge.
03/16/2005: Updated Adages: When the going gets tough, false teeth just won’t cut it.
03/17/2005: Being boring is a good strategy.
03/18/2005: Evil flourishes in even the most infertile ground.
03/21/2005: [Short day and I forgot.]
03/22/2005: Simultaneity isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
03/28/2005: We are all foreigners to someone.
03/29/2005: Never having to say you’re sorry isn’t love, it’s a partner who is afraid of confrontation.
03/30/2005: As a child, I learned that family is nonessential; as an adult, I learned that family is irreplaceable.
03/31/2005: Who is the sovereign king of this nation?
04/01/2005: What is this wonderful madness?
04/04/2005: 27 (safety in numbers).
04/05/2005: Profanity: The informational equivalent of dead air.
04/06/2005: Somebody had to invent geometry, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
04/07/2005: If the shoe fits, buy it.
04/08/2005: Today would be a helluva day to climb the Eiffel Tower.
04/11/2005: Forgot.
04/12/2005: There are no good or bad people. There are only good and bad people.
04/13/2005: Anger is not subject to justification.
04/14/2005: No matter how many times you look at your watch, time continues apace.
04/15/2005: It is necessary to do a mental check whenever you use the word “but.”
04/18/2005: Puerto Rico is the land of speeches.
04/19/2005: We are all full of spiders and snakes.
04/20/2005: If you don’t know the answer, keep your mouth closed.
04/21/2005: Where would we be without our TVs? And what does that say about us?
04/22/2005: Why do we insist?
04/25/2005: At any moment in a given day, someone is laughing.
04/26/2005: At any moment in a given day, someone is crying.
04/27/2005: Life is like that.
04/28/2005: If it ain’t music, what use is it?
04/29/2005: Knowing the future doesn’t help your hemorrhoids.
05/02/2005: If you don’t have anything nice to think, keep your mind empty.
05/03/2005: Time is strictly for the birds.
05/04/2005: As one drives, one lives.
05/05/2005: Love wouldn’t be so bad if it meant less.
05/06/2005: The wiseass never gets the girl. Boy did you get that one wrong! [The next day, Jeb is fired.]
05/09/2005: What did the devil ever do to you?
05/10/2005: The last time it happened, we all drank until we puked.
05/11/2005: Each moment is a milestone.
05/12/2005: There are only so many ways to do it.
05/13/2005: Enthusiasm is the hardest emotion to imitate.
05/16/2005: Opposable thumbs don’t mean a lot if you’re a jerk.
05/17/2005: Reverse psychology doesn’t work on God.
05/18/2005: Scientists are human, too (for the most part) or (genetically speaking).
05/19/2005: Stop drinking bad coffee.
05/20/2005: “That kid took my innocence! Stop him!”
“He needs it more than you do; look at the world today. . . . Leave him be.”
05/23/2005: It is never enough to know; one must act.
05/24/2005: Fooling yourself is easier than ever.
05/25/2005: Misunderstanding is only possible if you aren’t really listening.
05/26/2005: There’s a lion at the door, and he’s hungry; do we have any dead meat that we can give him?
05/27/2005: Word for the day: Magic.
05/31/2005: Family is that group of people who cannot be denied.