I decided to revisit the fear of abandonment today and touch on a different perspective on how to view it. I've written several posts about the fear of abandonment in the past and I'll summarize my previous thoughts briefly. This fear manifests in different ways for different people but I feel that it is inherently a fear developed in childhood or through a traumatic event. It can be tied into the fear of death and the fear of the unknown and can present itself in seemingly contradictory ways. For example fear of rejection and fear of commitment are both aspects of fear of abandonment. Today I'll share my most recent perspective on this issue and encourage you to share your thoughts in the comments.
When we have a fear of abandonment and base it on or attach it to another person, I feel that we are essentially abandoning ourselves. It seems obvious to me in hindsight, but awareness is constantly expanding and there is no direct route to how things unfold. That being said, I feel many of our fears are ultimately about abandoning our sense of self and getting lost in ego thoughts, but this one seems more tricky and complex and perhaps that's why I write about it so much. There's always more perspective to be gained.
At this point I've met people that are aware of their own fear of abandonment, people that are oblivious to it, and spent plenty of time working through my own as well as other irrational fears, but the concept of self abandonment didn't really strike me until recently. It makes me wonder if there are points where we can or do consciously choose to abandon our sense of self. It's clear to me that it's easier to do when we aren't aware we are doing it or did it, but to move past this fear we must accept ourselves for the healing to begin.
One of the problems that I've found with this is that when we are in relationships or develop close attachments with others we can choose to not let go of them. In some ways this can be related to fear of the unknown, but it can also just be a state of denial or punishing ourselves. We all have to choose to focus on ourselves and let go of attachments that no longer benefiting us. In this perceived negative experience they are actually serving a different purpose though I suppose, as they are letting us feel grief and despair.
Perhaps we consciously choose to abandon our sense of self and feel grief and despair as part of the contrast of the human emotional spectrum. I don't find any emotion to be inherently negative or harmful in its' own right, but we can dwell on emotions to the point that they become toxic. If we on the other hand choose to use these feelings as a sort of pallet cleanser to add contrast and amplify our own happiness and joy at other points in our life, then I can see how one would choose to grieve as a means to make ourselves feel more happy or joyful afterwards.
I feel that it's always important to be conscious of the fact that it's possible to slip into another prolonged cycle of self abandonment if we do not consciously choose to let go of whatever attachment is making us feel that way after they have served their purpose. In some regards this can also be a means of self harm. It's clear that sometimes we choose to abandon our own sense of self and suffer, sometimes people may not even be aware of doing it, but we all must find our own purpose for doing the things we do as in the end we are all responsible for ourselves. Namaste.