I wrote about my reflections on the meetup recently, but I wanted to also write about things that happened while traveling and share some other parts of the experience. I've done a lot of thinking about the concept of time and the space between where I am and where I am going and how everything always just feels like where I am at any given moment. I decided to be consciously aware of what I was doing during my less "noteworthy" times that I wanted to discuss and found some things quite interesting.
Time is as meaningful or meaningless as we want it to be. Driving fourteen hours straight with nothing but a radio and whatever I picked up along the way led to some strange moments of synchronicity. I've written a lot about synchronicity and I'm not going to get into all of it here, but it's interesting how it can come in many ways. Seeing an animal on the side of the road that reminds me of someone or getting a random alert on my phone that I've basically ignored for the last year at just the right time. It feels that there are always reminders around me that I'm always right where I should be at any given point. I don't need to look for guidance as I'm always on the path.
During all of this time on the road with little to do but focus on what's going on around me and hitting seek for random radio stations, I was more conscious of everything I did in any given moment. Every sip of water, every muscle growing stiff from not moving my legs enough, every random town and sign I passed, every person I spoke to when I stopped for fuel or bio breaks, and it all just feels connected and flowing. Some people call this state of observation of ourselves as part of everything else and being consciously aware of it 'zen,' but I don't really think words mean the same thing to everyone so it doesn't really matter to me what we call it. Essentially I was able to quiet my own thoughts and just be present for extremely long periods of time with no distractions, which is previously something that would slip away when outside of my comfort zone.
It was in this state that I could see how little my own thoughts really mattered in the grand scheme of things. I'm no stranger to meditation and mindfulness, but it felt different to know I was doing something as complicated as navigating across four states without putting much thought or worry into it. The only time I actually had to stop and clear my head was about two thirds of the way back on the return drive. I saw a sign for deer crossing and within a few moments there were four deer on the side of the road just watching me pass and a massive storm broke out that made it hard to see further than ten or fifteen feet ahead of me. So I pulled over into a rest stop and cleared my thoughts for a few minutes.
In my mind the worry of hitting one of those deer was causing me some stress and the rain became unbearable. I took a few minutes to ground myself and remember that I don't really control things like the weather or random events like a deer crossing the road. I reminded myself that I am okay with all of that and that whatever happens will happen. I don't need to control it. As soon as I let go of that fear of wrecking or killing some animal accidentally by driving, the rain cleared up and I kept on driving. It's interesting how much life is like that. Letting go of fear and the need to control things helps everything else seem much more manageable for me. Stationary or moving, aware or unaware, the show goes on and we're all always playing our part. Namaste.