Today I want to revisit another topic from the not so distant past and I'll reflect on how this new way of approaching people is working out. I used to have a pretty serious problem with expectations and assumptions, and the truth is I wasn't even aware of it. It managed to ruin many friendships and relationships as well as took all joy out of team collaborations. There are some old hobbies that I lost interest in due to the competitive nature and it leading to the blame game. Hopefully I can share these lessons and help someone avoid these pitfalls in their own lives.
I feel that it's first and foremost important to realize that not ALL expectations and assumptions are inherently bad, but letting them control our lives and relationships is a great way to end up isolating ourselves and resenting others. Healthy expectations and boundaries actually help to keep healthy friendships and relationships. I feel that boundaries are equally important in separating things as they are for keeping them together. If you look at the backyards in a neighborhood and their all fenced in, it shows that people can share boundaries for mutual comfort and cooperation. If one neighbor wants to let the fence decay on their side and fall over, the other neighbor may not be happy as it's important for both neighbors to maintain a healthy shared boundary.
The problem I've found with assumptions and expectations is that they help create unrealistic ideas about who someone is in our minds. We are all people and while I try to be as open as humanly possible about all of my insecurities and how I work through them, I also realize that not everyone wants to go that route or finds it beneficial. Assuming that I know what someone else is thinking because I know a piece of the puzzle is a good way to develop expectations of what and how I think they should react. Well that's rather silly if you think about it, that's just asking to be disappointed and that's also objectifying a person into what I think they should be or do. Objectification is not only unhealthy, but it takes the joy and mystery of letting the story unfold itself over time out of the equation and ultimately it's about trying to control the other and deal with our own fear of the unknown.
I found that a lot of my expectations and assumptions were based on a fear of rejection and a fear of the unknown. Once I surrendered to the fact that I don't control everything and that I had no desire to, I found that people stopped disappointing me. I no longer needed anyone to do or be anything other than what they were because I could respect them and their own path through life. We're all just here seeking experience if we can look past the scarcity mindset implied by 3D existence. Money, shelter, food, and things, while nice, have no power to make one fulfilled and happy. Sure they may reduce the stress we feel, but I've found that not worrying about things like that in the first place and having faith in the universe to provide what's needed in my life also removes that stress and worry. None of us need to control anyone or anything other than our own mindset to be happy. I'll keep trying to just enjoy life to the best of my experience and have faith that you all do too. Namaste.