Two years ago, I was set on track to graduate University of Oregon and move just north of Milan, Italy to teach English in a high-school. I knew that I wanted to be active in a multi-lingual community, and I thought that this was going to be a golden opportunity for me. The city life, the bustling people, the opportunity to experience culture + history every day—I loved the idea. As the days got closer, and as my placement school in Italy continued their nonexistent communication, I began wondering if this was truly the path for me. One belief that I held strongly after studying Linguistics was that I was beginning to hate English, a language that through history has focused so much energy on eradicating native dialects and language groups. It is white-washing all of history it is able to translate + destroying history that wasn’t translated into English. Its ‘grammar’ was formed by the church, taking away power from the people who used the language and disregarding natural speech patterns and usage.
I began questioning, is this indoctrinated path truly in alignment with my greater goals? Do I want to work to continue fueling the belief that speaking a single universal language is the best way to global citizenship + community? Nope.
I sent in a letter to the school explaining that I had re-examined my life and with deep apologies, I would not be able to continue with the job. Love had opened my eyes.
Two years ago I committed myself to a relationship with my partner in love, Austin. He and I grew up across the country from each other, and have a lot to learn between us. The insights he brought into my life rung true with a lot of personal beliefs I had, and they asked more of me. I was being called to align my actions with my beliefs, rather than letting mySelf be smothered by social expectations and structured habits.
I grew up with a strong belief that the only decent route in life was to educate myself (or rather be educated) throughout my life, seeking reputable schools and earning my grades through self-motivated high quality production of paperwork. I had always been interested in the physical creation of goods, but believed knowledge to be the true worth in our world. Without knowledge, where would our future be? How could humanity continue without sustaining a properly educated and reasonably docile society?
Austin had much deeper views on world strife and our own responsibilities during our time on earth. If we aren’t aligning our life with our views then what are we even doing with ourselves? Let me write this clearly, OUR views as in those which exist in our most personal self, our gut morals. It can be difficult to tell where our personal beliefs exist and where the beliefs of-- your friends + parents + family + lovers + religion + government + media + teachers + authors —overpower your own. Intuitively, we can work to separate our beliefs from the beliefs placed upon us by stepping back to examine our feelings about our actions. I find that journaling and meditation are good ways to connect with this inner self.
I used to react to situations, and I am now working on responding to situations. My reactions were habitual, mostly based on other people’s views or societal expectations. Simple example: someone asks how we are doing and we respond with “Fine/Good/Ok/Swell” when it is not really the case. More complex example: reacting to an argument by shutting down and releasing power instead of working to communicate, understand and respect one another’s viewpoint. Glazing over experiences to make them prettier and easier to swallow. Artificially flavoring your natural medicine.
I was beginning to see the strife in the world, and I realized I was taking part in creating it.
Newton’s Third law of motion:
“For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action.”
What reactions was I causing with every action I took? How deep did this ripple effect occur?
It was simple to start seeing things clearly once I opened my eyes.
I was using my purchasing power (very real concept here on Steemit!) to fuel products produced with ill intent—profit. I was funding slave labor in so many forms. I was funding greenhouse gas emissions and landfills. I was funding plastic, blood, and immorality. I was not purchasing things that aligned with my beliefs. I was purchasing things because they were cheap + quick + easy. These poison products, causing all kinds of negative reactions to keep their ease and commodity on our end, were available everywhere. Our society was feeding a greed monster, supporting it and helping it thrive through media blasting and fads. Superstores have super cheap prices, but that price comes at an equal and opposite cost. The opposite reaction to these super cheap commodities are deep expenses to the people who created them + to the environment they were produced and will be destroyed in.
Netflix recently uploaded a series, “Rotten”--Check out this review by steemian @bittermelon--showcasing the twisted systems in place surrounding food production on our planet. These realities are beginning to gain popularity relative to years past, but we still see so little progress in mainstream society. I began eating a plant based diet after spending time in a relationship with someone who was aware of the maladies and horrors of the meat + dairy business. I grew up vegetarian, and had never supported the production of meat as a market product. I believed that if people were willing and able to hunt or raise their own animals it was acceptable, but never agreed with the idea of supporting lives meant for slaughter raised in profit-driven conditions. It didn’t make sense logically either: wasting so much space to grow cheap soil-sapping feed to raise (located elsewhere on other cleared land) a less-productive + more energy consumptive + unhealthier product when we could use that space to create huge amounts of sustainable produce for human consumption.
Living animals are being treated as products, and that simply isn’t something I can support. Cheese was one thing I thought I couldn’t live without, but after I did my own research to figure out where my values lie I quickly dropped dairy. I wasn’t interested in supporting business models which profited from governing animals, because I am an animal that doesn’t want to be governed. I wasn’t interested in consuming breast milk from a human, nor was I interested in consuming coagulated cancer-causing A1 casein proteins in breast milk from a cow. I am no longer a helpless baby who cannot eat adult food, so why should I include food meant for helpless babies in my diet? My opiate-like addiction to dairy caused by these mama-baby-cow-bonding proteins quickly ceased, and I haven’t had troubles with craving dairy in quite a long time.
If I don’t want to support slavery (animal or human!), I should research where my products come from and how they are made. All the products. Read labels, be surprised. Now that I am trying to make what I can myself, I try to figure out how to make the things I eat by looking at the ingredients of things I purchase. My most recent whoops: An acquaintance offered some lime tortilla chips and salsa, curious about the wild flavor I checked the ingredients. I didn’t know I needed to milk a cow to make lime tortilla chips myself! But then again, who would think that some ‘Hint of Lime’ chips also meant ‘Hint of Dairy”?
Unnecessary ingredients + processes take us a step further into the ripple effect. What is the manufacturing process used in extracting these 13 ingredients I don’t recognize? Whose job is it to peel this pre-peeled plastic wrapped garlic? Were those people able to work towards their highest goals while peeling this garlic?
I seek to live intentionally, to focus my attention and my power towards things I truly intend to support. This didn’t mean simply changing how I used my personal purchasing power, but how I used the power of my voice and my ability to change the focus of my life as I see fit in alignment with my greater goals and greater good. That’s why I have had such an incredible post-graduation life experience. I feel that the knowledge I was able to access and the information I was presented with during my years in Uni helped me understand my own point of views by opening me up to deep critical thinking and analysis. Once I turned these skills outward into the world I was experiencing, I began to recognize the fallacies so much of my world experience was built upon, and sought out a more natural way of living.
This change doesn’t happen overnight, it can’t. Reflect on how many years we take piecing together the versions of ourselves which fit into society standards, and recognize that it will take a similar amount of time to recreate and re-member ourselves. Personally, I’m nowhere near the end goal of where I want to be living sustainably + morally. I still have a lot of work to do on releasing quick judgments, moving away from self-centeredness + lack of care for momentary interactions, on embracing and forgiving others + mySelf in all the stages of my life so far. This doesn’t mean we haven’t come far though.
Do you remember the time you were wishing to be where + who you are now? What does that time feel like now?
Did you even want to be where + who you are now?
These were the examinations running through my mind. Could I envision my future if I stayed on that path? When I did envision it, I could see myself being happy living in wealth and academia, a social bug. But the happiness I saw was not honest. It was a feigned happiness disturbed by the quickening of my mental spark, seeking answers to philosophical life questions. I still intend to learn, and in fact hope to learn much more through self-education + seeking resources which I trust to come into an educative space with a positive presence. It took a lot of strength to stand up to myself and battle the beliefs so deeply sunken within me which were not my own. It took courage to change my life path, fearing rebuttal from friends, family and professors alike. I was fearful that the people I had come to care for in my life may no longer respect or appreciate me as they had previously.
I’ve come to understand now that while there have been losses in my life since these mental revolutions, the changes that have come forth have been truer to my interests and life goals than experiences prior. The honesty that has flown through the doors I’ve been able to open is incredible, and the momentary experiences with myself have been life changing. I find purpose in my power, my ability and my strengths. I tend to believe in myself because my actions are falling in line with my morals. The self-hatred and self-destructive tendencies which I had developed through abusive relationships and moral degradation have lifted.
I thank my sweet partner for helping me along this path towards becoming a truer version of myself, and I invite you, dear reader, to spark your own match of illumination. Help yourself come into contact with your personal divinity and magnanimous power of manifestation. We are electric creatures with magnetic charismas, discover the sizzle in the soles of your feet by stepping towards your greater goals.
Let me toss some tinder into your coals:
is the work you do each day pushing you towards your own greater good, or is it manipulating your personal power to fuel someone else’s fire?
Respect yourself and you will find sweetness, respect others and sweetness finds you.
Till next time!
