We're so hard on ourselves, we tie our self-worth to our actions [...] When things go badly we start to doubt our basic goodness as human beings. We start to say things like;
What's wrong with me?
- Zen Golf
The above was written in the seminal golf book Zen Golf, by the Zen golf teacher Dr Joseph Parent. He is referencing when we hit a bad shot, or when we make a particular score on a hole, however as with many things in golf, we see them reflected in life.
Understanding Your Basic Goodness
Here's a bold statement; I know you are a good human being!
But Cryptogee how can you possibly know that? I could be really selfish or mean spirited, or worse!
Well I'll tell you, I'm playing a numbers game, it is possible that somebody reading this has done something really bad in their lives, and revels in this.
Maybe there is someone out there right now reading this who enjoys ripping people off, or hurting others whom are weaker than themselves.
While this is a possibility, it does not describe the majority of the human race.
You see, long before the invention of religion, as we evolved from our simian ancestors, we started to gather in larger and larger groups.
Those groups today have turned into the villages, towns and cities that are familiar the world over. Without our basic goodness this would not have been possible.
This is why left to their own devices, other large primates will not live in nearly as large groups as human beings do. Because somewhere along the line we have placed labels such as bad, and evil on actions that threaten the propagation of society.
So yes, while you may sometimes be a bit selfish, or greedy, or maybe even cheat on your taxes, deep down you are, what we have come to term, good.
Detaching The Bad From The Good
There are many situations whereby we forget our basic goodness and instead attach how well (or badly) we perform a task, to what kind of person we are.
If you have ever been in sales then you may have experienced this on the sales floor, whereby you are told that; you are only as good as your last sale. Or the even harsher; you're a blanking piece of sh*t - in reference to not making any sales that week.
It is not just sales that this happens, and it is not only from external forces that we feel this pressure to express our self-worth through our actions.
Everybody at one point or another engages in self-bashing, and the most tried and tested way of doing that is to lament over how because you can't do something, or have done it badly, it means that you are bad as well.
Everything Is Neutral
In order to get away from this poisonous way of thinking, you have to view events outside your control as neutral.
So you may make a golf shot that gets a bad bounce and ends up in the water, or one that catches the wind and lands right next to the hole.
You may close a $100,000 sale, or not sell anything for weeks.
Whatever the actions are, you must realise that as long as you have honestly tried your best to achieve the best results you can, then that is all you can do, and the rest is up to a myriad of things you cannot control.
If you make a hole-in-one on the golf course, that does not mean you are an amazing person.
If you fail an exam, that does not mean you are worthless.
In both cases it means that your practice, along with other external factors led to the result.
If you practice everyday at what you do, you have a chance of hitting the perfect shot, however it won't always happen.
If you do not practice enough, there's a chance that you will not succeed in your endeavours.
Whatever the case may be, remember that the outcomes do not reflect your basic goodness as a human being.
You are not your successes.
You are not your failures.
You are not your mistakes.
You are simply, you.
Now go out there and just be.
DO YOU REGULARLY BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR NOT DOING SOMETHING RIGHT? DO YOU OFTEN FIND YOURSELF USING THE PHRASE WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? OR PERHAPS YOU HAVE LEARNED TO SEPARATE YOUR SELF-WORTH FROM YOUR EARTHLY DEEDS?
AS EVER, LET ME KNOW BELOW!
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf series:
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Becoming The Fourth Cup
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Don't Think Of A Monkey: Overcoming Your Fears
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - How Big Is Your Mind?
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Cutting Out The Anyways
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Body Fake It Till You Mentally Make It
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Be Your Own Best Friend
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Learning Perfection
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Getting The Cat Into The Box
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Three Mind Wisdom
Attaining Wisdom Through Golf - Connecting Mind And Body For Optimum Performance
Title image: Abigail Keenan on Unsplash