I was going through my followers to build the image for my 1000 followers milestone post. I noticed one guy I like is no longer following me. He is older than I am but writes some interesting things. In the past I recall him saying he simply MUTEs people that annoy him. The other day I didn't agree with him on a point. We had a back and forth civil discussion, but he was not really seeing what I wrote and was fixated on other things. Eventually he stopped replying. I noticed he was no longer following me. I had that back of the mind question wondering if I had been muted as well.
This made me recall something I wish people would really take some time to think about.
Do you know how often I hear people claiming someone is trolling someone these days when they are not? Actually, most cases someone is claiming that trolling is occurring it really isn't.
Calling someone a troll has become the go to excuse for trying to save face when a person is debating with you and it may go a few rounds and they still do not agree with you. Guess what? You don't need to save face. Disagreement is normal and a good thing.
Did they start attacking your character, calling you a moron, or anything of that nature? If so then perhaps they were trolling you.
Yet consider this. Talking with someone you disagree with is a challenging thing for any of us to do. This is especially true if one or both of you are very passionate about the subject. Our society does not condition us very well with how to deal with this. We'll put forth a limited effort and just expect the other person's mind to be overwritten and that they will suddenly agree with us. It doesn't work that way unless you are a telepath that can mentally assault and program someones mind. In otherwords, if you think this is a science fiction movie it might work that way. In reality it doesn't.
You need to realize that while you may be getting frustrated at not being able to get them to understand. They are likely getting frustrated for exactly the same reason. When one of you then results to belittling, name calling, or other character attacking techniques you have essentially given up. In the field of critical thinking this is called an ad hominem attack.
Now people that actually do troll when the conversation ends or devolves to pointlessness after those attacks you'll often see them being self congratulatory. "Did you see? I told him." Really they didn't do anything but give up. They took the easy out. They learned nothing from the exchange, and all the other person likely learned about them is that they are unwilling to learn and think they've got all the answers. They are not interested in learning, but are more interested in mentally cloning their mind into others they speak with.
Disagreement is not trolling. Being frustrated because a disagreement is taking a lot of effort is not trolling either.
If you want to detect a troll. Here is an easy way to do it. Once you suspect you are being trolled. Agree with them. See what happens? If they suddenly change their mind and start attacking their original stance then you are being trolled. Their entire purpose is to get a rise out of you. So if you agree with them and they switch tactics then that is exactly what they are doing.
Yet these days I see people talk about people trolling other people when it is nothing of the sort. It is just people that disagree that are struggling to reach some compromise, or to reach a point where one of them decides it isn't going to go anywhere.
The BEST outcome from any disagreement is when BOTH parties learn from it.
It isn't really about winning and losing. That is part of the problem. It is more about SHARING.
So next time your back is to a wall and you feel like you are mentally not getting through to the person you disagree with. Stay civil. If you reach a point where you think you can no longer be civil and you can't go further then simply tell them you can't go further. Tell them you can't seem to find any other way that might explain what you are trying to say. It may be an impasse, but you can exit gracefully.
I realize this is easier said than done. I sometimes fail to do this as well. That is just what I try to do.
Yet if people are civil and giving me thoughtful responses I'll engage with such people for a long time. They may think I am trolling them. I am not. I am trying to learn from them, and I hope they are learning from me.
If people keep repeating the same thing and it is clear they actually are not paying attention to what I am saying and they just want to bludgeon me with their words then at some point I'll exit the conversation. This happens occasionally.
Disagreement is not about forcing another person to agree with you. It is about speaking, being heard, and in return listening, and considering what you hear. I have something that is hopefully not news to you. You don't even come close to knowing everything. You are wrong about a lot of things. Guess what? So am I.
