I drink too much whisky, and I write too much about my bad drinking habits. I won’t say I cannot live without my whisky, but it seems impossible to think about a day without that woody taste in my mouth. I must admit that I am very privileged with my upbringing and family life. I have and had a life some people would die for. I always had support when I needed it. I always had family around, I always had enough money and enough money for the best education. I cannot see my life differently, I am also in some sense spoiled. This is not always the best thing, but that is how I was brought up. But this is where the question of this post comes in: Why do the rich sometimes think about being poor?
I find myself cornered in this mental struggle of always trying to imagine myself as a poor drunk slumped over some random bench in a park. I sometimes think of myself as a drunk beating up random people. I sometimes struggle to think of myself as the person I am. I wonder if this is really such a good think to live like this. Is it not better to struggle sometimes to build character, to become something better? When I drink some of the whisky, while I look out over the mountains, listening to the ocean, I think about being poor, fighting for my next meal. I wonder if the poor life is not something better.
Where did I come to this thought? Thinking about being poor, being a drunk, being something less than what I am? Why? I do not know. Maybe it is the romanticized idea of poor that is so enticing? But this leads to question, why do we idealize the poor, the bad and the drunk? Why do we idealize those with sad stories to promote their “art” or life? This question bothers me, because I fall into this category. Maybe it is the depression that needs something to hold onto. My rational mind fights against the depression, in a way telling my brain that there is nothing to be depressed about. But then the irrational part of my brain says that the (idealized) drunk lifestyle is better and more authentic that the fake one I am living now. I am struggling to find a way to get out of this self-created jail.
The artwork I created is about three small figures being looked over by a bigger one, this can be a symbol for all the above that I wrote. It can be the depression looking over my shoulders. Maybe it is my true self that wants to escape. I do not know. What is your opinion? Please comment, I will reply and we can start a conversation.