I was once told to just put my thoughts on paper and someone would buy it. I found this idea ludicrous and silly in a world where indentured servitude defined the menial labor filled life of the lower class citizen. I've sat idle, contesting only against myself and no other power, self defeating, ashamed for nothing and afraid to simply type the words you are now reading.
So here goes nothing.
You can imagine what failure feels like, we have encountered that erratic sting, continual, sharp and sudden; Unexpected and though it continues to dull we find no relief. We struggle forward in introspect of retrospection, diving, delving, digging ,seeking, swirling and all but lost in a world without answers. We first shift the blame, seek to give another name, not content to simply accept the burden and thus continue this self destructive path of pity.
We realize no one is listening and go back to scrounging at our moral fiber with darkened nails stained from pain which remains insoluble to the lackluster relief this world offers. We tax ourselves in this emotional game of over-extension where mere steps were not enough, nor was a brisk gait forward; Albeit the mental pains so agonizingly deep that we wear a smile and bleed internally.
We live in a world where a men and women slave for fictitious paper or digits along a digital screen, our digital self screaming down darken corridors , arms flailing in hapless peril. We wager our lives for nothing for objects purchased with nothing so that we can believe we are something ; Only to leave with nothing having become morally less-than nothing.
We save our fictitious slave earnings hoping one day to get a sliver of that sweet pie, learning that it's only a sliver, it lasts only so long and once we eat it; We will never afford more. We are no longer the Middle Child of history, Pal, we are dead center in the creation of it. We are the catalyst to a broken solution, the insoluble, insolvable conundrum that baffles the minds of our leash holders.
We are deplorable, steadfast, arrogant, proud and determined; All the while inside of each of us is an emotional hurricane of anger, resentment and sadness.
"If only", "If I had", "I just need", "I should have", "It's not fair", "One more chance?"
No; These luxuries do not exist for us. No, We have now and that is all. We can't count on the future and we can't count on the past. We have now.
We only have now.