Some people are a whole bunch of resentment and bad memories. Keep them as the most valuable and cherish. And over time, such persons turn into grumpy old men. Do you want to be like that? So, urgently need to learn to forgive.

Why are we offended?

That's the way. No matter how banal, but often it is we who are offended, and the offender of evil did not hold, he is just a bad person or so lives. But we constantly chew on the words of classmates, friends, a guy who did bad, parents...

Before you learn to forgive and let go of resentment, it is important to learn that resentment is one form of aggression, relating to the sphere of its own value, that is, to our sense of self - importance. Yes, this is a mismatch of reality and desires, but the most likely to offend people who do not accept themselves. And the less we accept ourselves, the more we feel that others may violate our personal boundaries, that is, offend us. In addition, most of all we are offended at what we suspect ourselves, that is, insults grow directly from our complexes and feelings of inferiority.

But hidden resentment and obsession with them-it is self-destruction and devastation, which often affects physical health: resentment can "go" out in the form of diseases of the endocrine and genitourinary systems.

We're not even trying to get revenge.

If you're going to have plans of brutal revenge, you'll never learn to forgive. This is not the way and unproductive, because we recognize their inferiority and their dislike for themselves. There are other ways of forgiveness.

Get to know your abuser better

More precisely, analyze why this or that person offended you. Maybe it's a way of life for him. One friend of the author was very much offended by employers who threw money and convinced a pretty talented and smart girl that she is full of zero in her profession. The offense is so deeply entrenched in the psyche of the lady that she plunged into a terrible depression for a long time. After a brief investigation, she found that employers – a common Scam and that they have a habitual sequence of actions.

Perhaps it is normal for a person that you do not accept in any way. Or a person was inspired from birth standards of behavior that are unacceptable to you.

Maybe you just need to talk to the abuser. If a person does not offend for the first time, it is easier to simply reduce all contacts with him to a minimum.

Let out aggression at will

Above we have already said that resentment is one of the forms of aggression. That's why you should give yourself the chance to let off steam. It is not necessary to yell or break into people, but you can go to the gym or buy a punching bag, do martial arts, etc.

Tell the person about your resentment

Sometimes people do not even suspect that they have offended you, because for them it is normal. Do not expect a person to understand and ask for forgiveness. Men do not often notice that they offend a woman. So just tell the person.

You can talk offense alone or even afford to scream. If there's a good friend, you can shout it out.

Look at yourself from the side

Perhaps it is not you hurt, and you provoke. It's more common for women. Many women, rolling scandals on an empty place, are surprised that their husbands offend them. And you can just see the log in his eye.

Write a letter

The easiest way to describe the grievances of a large letter and burn it. A more advanced technique offers the magic of Simoron. You've been writing grievances from different people on small leaves for a week. Then they are planted on a long thread. You go home with that "tail", clinging to it with new leaves. After seven days carefully the descriptions go and burn the tail.

Finally, you can write a letter to the person who hurt you. Express all your most negative feelings, explain yourself...and then write a reply letter allegedly of the offender, telling everything you would like to hear from this person. This is appropriate if the person who offended you has already died or if your ways have diverged.

Try to understand the cause of resentment

Perhaps what hurt you so badly yesterday, today, will seem like a ridiculous trifle. And compared to what you've been through in recent years, the old grudge you took in your youth may seem as ridiculous and ridiculous.

Learn to let go of the situation

Understand that everything has already happened and there is no way to redraw the situation. The first time after the offense you will not be easy to forget it, but after you understand what it was discomfort delivered, it will be easier to let go.

Think about the benefits

What exactly are the benefits of a state of resentment? Try to understand yourself. And then try to understand exactly what benefits will bring you forgiveness. Perhaps it will make you happier and help change you for the better. Think about where the more benefits.

Tip: if you like to meditate, you can imagine your resentment in the form of birds and just let them out of the cage ... One by one…